tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6667508027845348702024-02-19T10:28:13.321-06:00Loving Your RuahKevin A Tothhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00873051463038965433noreply@blogger.comBlogger40125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-666750802784534870.post-60180984769252864722023-05-14T17:38:00.000-05:002023-05-14T17:38:25.223-05:00Favorite Disney Scenes: A Mother's Love (Dumbo)<p> <a name="_Hlk127468554" style="text-align: justify;"><i>In
this series, I will be sharing my reflections on my favorite animated Disney
movie scenes. Some scenes may be a brief moment in the movie and some scenes
may be an entire musical score. I hope my reflections offer some new
perspectives and I would love to hear from YOU what your favorite scene is from
each Disney movie I cover. <b>Spoiler
warning after this paragraph!</b></i></a></p>
<span style="mso-bookmark: _Hlk127468554;"></span>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">After the box office disappointment
of Fantasia, the previous year, Disney then released Dumbo in 1941 as a much
shorter and cheaper film. At the time, the film was praised by audiences and
even now it is considered a classic. However, it is clearly a product of it’s
time as it’s racist depictions of African Americans are seen throughout the
movie. Disney+ now includes a Disclaimer recognizing their racism and stating
that it was wrong then and it is wrong now. Even if you took out the racism in
the movie, the film has other problems, including depictions of animal cruelty.
These problems cause the movie to be less of a favorite of mine in the Disney
rankings.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">That being said, my favorite
scene and moments in the movie is that of Mrs. Jumbo, Dumbo’s mother. Disney
has an interesting history of multiple movies either having the mother be dead
or killed in the movie (as unfortunately we will see in the next film, Bambi).
So it was nice to see a mother figure who, despite being imprisoned for over
half the film, is still present and alive by the end of the film. There are
three majors scenes that feature Mrs Jumbo and Dumbo together. The first is
when a bunch of kids pick on Dumbo and Mrs Jumbo comes to rescue him, leading
to her being imprisoned. The second is when Dumbo comes to visit his mother and
they can only reach out to each other via their trunks. And lastly at the very
end of the movie when Dumbo is a star and now can afford to have Mrs Jumbo
freed and have her own train car, thus reuniting them again. All three of these
scenes are favorites in this movie, but the one I want to discuss is the first
one.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Dumbo is a baby “born” in a
traveling circus. Throughout the movie, Dumbo is mocked and ridiculed because
of his big ears. Only two characters treat him with respect, his mouse friend
Timothy, and his mother. One day, a crowd of kids come to see Mrs Jumbo and
Dumbo in the pin and the kids start to make fun of Dumbo’s ears. Mrs Jumbo is
upset by this and takes Dumbo away from the kids. This causes the kids to enter
the enclosure to pick at Dumbo some more, including pulling on his ears. Mrs
Jumbo is furious. She takes one of the children picking on Dumbo and gives him
a spanking. Of course, the other children run in fear and the circus workers
begin to restrain her. As soon as one of the workers grabs Dumbo and takes him
out of the tent, Mrs Jumbo’s rage increases and she lashes out to all the
workers in order to get her son back. At one point, her blue gentle eyes turn
all red to symbolize her fury. The scene ends with the ring master getting
dumped into a bucket of water. The following scene shows that Mrs Jumbo is
imprisoned in a solitary train cart, with a sign that says, “Mad Animal” on the
outside.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">This scene simultaneously sparks
within me my own anger but also a sense of comfort.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">My anger comes from the treatment
of Mrs Jumbo. Her actions spark a debate among the other women elephants, who
frankly all act like gossipy bitches throughout the whole movie. Many claim
that she was a mother protecting her child and some say she should never have
acted, “un-lady like”. I can imagine that there are people who may have had
similar debates in real life over Mrs Jumbo’s actions. The part that angers me,
though, is the human children picking on Dumbo. They should never have been
allowed in the enclosure to even be able to touch Dumbo and yet they go
completely unpunished. They don’t even have supervision! And then there is the
title thrown on Mrs Jumbo as being “mad”.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">There is a terrible stereotype of
women (especially black women) when they express their anger. Some men respond
by asking, “is it your time of the month?” as if that has any relevance. When I
served as a hospital chaplain through CPE training, my supervisor had us
discuss how we can better provide care to African American women, who are often
criticized for being too loud and acting, “crazy” or “unstable”, simply because
they are upset. I had a situation in the ER where a patient was dying in one of
the trauma rooms. The patient’s daughter arrived and was very upset, crying very
loudly and was on the floor. In response, the ER staff called the Chaplain
(me)…and the police. When I arrived, the patient was crying uncontrollably on
the floor while a white male officer was hovering over her. I asked for some
space and I sat on the floor next to her. I didn’t tell her to stop crying, I
didn’t tell her to be quiet; because she had every right to respond to her
grief and pain in that moment. We need to stop labeling and punishing women for
expressing themselves and Mrs Jumbo’s punishment reminds me of this.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">The part that gives me comfort is
ironically Mrs Jumbo’s anger. In a few ways, Mrs Jumbo reminds me of my mother.
Both are compassionate and kind and both will protect their children no matter
what. My mother is a fighter. Throughout elementary school, I had an IEP. In
the 5<sup>th</sup> grade, my math teacher refused to follow my IEP for his
preferred style of teaching. In response, my mother called the school Principal
and demanded that my math teacher follow it or there would be consequences.
This wasn’t just said to the principal, but I was present when she told my math
teacher to follow my IEP in person. My mother used her anger to fight for me
and my sister while we grew up.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">A mother’s love is one of the
most powerful forces in the universe. There is even a line in the book of
Isaiah that relates God’s love to a mother’s love. ‘As a mother comforts her
child, so will I comfort you’ (Isaiah 66:13). Mrs Jumbo is the embodiment of a
Mother’s love, willing to protect her child at all cost.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">I invite you to share your
thoughts on Mrs Jumbo and how has a mother’s love affected your life? It
doesn’t have to be your biological mother, as many women can provide a mother’s
love. I know many women in my life, outside of my mother, who have given me
that same love.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Happy Mother’s Day everyone and
blessings to all the comforting and protective mothers out in the world.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Peace,<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Kevin<o:p></o:p></p>Kevin A Tothhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00873051463038965433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-666750802784534870.post-59086020005614761372023-03-18T07:37:00.001-05:002023-03-18T07:37:15.851-05:00Favorite Disney Scenes: The Terrifying Forest (Snow White)<p> <a name="_Hlk127468554" style="text-align: justify;"><i><span style="font-size: 11.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;">In this series, I will be
sharing my reflections on my favorite animated Disney movie scenes. Some scenes
may be a brief moment in the movie and some scenes may be an entire musical
score. I hope my reflections offer some new perspectives and I would love to
hear from YOU what your favorite scene is from each Disney movie I cover. <b>Spoiler warning after this paragraph!</b></span></i></a></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Disney’s <i>Snow White and the
Seven Dwarfs </i>was a critical and commercial success when it came out in
December 1937. It’s the film that started Walt Disney’s company and one could
argue that it’s been a major influence on not only future Disney films but
animated films in general.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">That all being said, I can’t
pretend that <i>Snow White</i> has ever been one of my favorite Disney films. I
like the movie well enough, but it’s hard to ignore some it’s issues such as
the forced gender roles (e.g. the dwarfs and the Prince have to save Snow White
while she remains helpless) and the ‘deus ex machina’ of a true love’s first
kiss will awaken Snow White (and when you factor in that Snow White is 14 and an
older man is coming to kiss her while she is presumed dead is a little too
creepy for me). It is important to recognize that <i>Snow White</i> is a
product of its time, much like the other older Disney films; I would still
recommend anyone to watch it for themselves.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">The film begins by silently
narrating that the Queen ruled the land and was jealous of Snow White’s beauty
and thus made her wear rags so that she can be, “the fairest in the land”. But
one day the Magic Mirror that answers all the Queen’s questions informs her
that Snow White is ‘more fair’ than her. This is what begins the film and the
Queen’s quest to kill Snow White. Her first attempt has her commanding the
Huntsman to kill Snow White and then bring back her heart as proof (savage
move!). While the Huntsman watches over Snow White in the meadows, he prepares
to attack, only to discover that he cannot do it. He pleads for her forgiveness
and tells her to run away so she will be safe from the Queen.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">This begins my favorite scene in
the movie. Snow White is frightened by the news and rightfully so. But
something interesting occurs. As she is running into the forest, her fears
begin to intensify, and we see this through the surroundings in the forest. At
one point, Snow White’s gown gets caught by branches, but Snow White sees the
branches as arms grabbing at her. When she falls into a small pond, the tree stumps
that are just floating on the surface turn into alligators. The entire scene
gradually gets worse and worse; all the trees have scary faces and terrifying
eyes and Snow White gets overwhelmed to the point that she stops running and
falls on the floor. When she stops, the scene turns back into the normal
forest: the scary trees are gone and everything is all still until all the
concerned animals come in.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">There are two major reasons why
this scene is my favorite. The first is simply the animation. You can tell the
animaters of this entire scene worked hard in matching Snow White’s increasing
fear in her surroundings and the musical score that accompanies this scene also
does well in heightening the emotions through it all.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">The other major reason is
honestly because I can relate to Snow White in this scene. I mean, thankfully I
haven’t had a relative or anyone in my life attempt to kill me. But when I
watch this scene, it makes me remember my first panic attack I’ve ever had. In
2016 I was in a bad car accident. While I walked away physically unharmed, my
car was completely totaled, and I discovered that the crash affected me
mentally. Two years later, I was driving on the highway when I saw a bad car
wreck on the side of the road. Suddenly I noticed that my breathing was getting
heavier. My heart began to pound in my chest and my hands were gradually
becoming numb. The whole experienced frightened me. I decided to continue my
drive until my feet and legs were starting to become numb. I couldn’t feel the
gas peddle beneath my feet. I worried I would crash my car again if I didn’t do
something so I finally pulled over. For the next 15 minutes my symptoms
persisted. I was absolutely terrified and at the time I had no idea what was
going on. It felt like I was losing control of my body. I found out later that
I was experiencing a panic attack, no doubt triggered from the past trauma of
my car accident and witnessing another car accident. While I felt helpless
throughout the majority of my attack, eventually I was able to begin some deep
breathing exercises that I was taught. I like to think these breathing
exercises were helpful to me.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">And that’s exactly what Snow
White had to do in order to calm down. She needed to stop running, cry, and
breathe deeply. In my situation, I as well needed to stop driving, express my
emotions freely, and begin to breathe. This is why I appreciate this scene.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">The scene that follows is when
the animals come to check in Snow White and they lead her to the Dwarf’s cabin.
She then begins to sing with the animals to help her stay calm as they continue
through the forest. I can also relate to this as when I’ve been in a dark
forest, I tend to either talk or sing very loudly.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Several years ago, I used to work
at Christmount retreat center in Black Mountain, North Carolina. At night, the
campgrounds would get extremely dark and with the possibility of a black bear
or coyotes, I got scared really fast. So in order to cope with my fear, I would
sing random camp songs out loud. Not beautifully like Snow White, but that
didn’t matter to me at the time! The point was that sometimes singing can be
another form of calmness for us when we are in a anxiety filled situation.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">While not every lesson from <i>Snow
White</i> is applicable to everyone, the lesson I take away is it’s alright to
be afraid and when you are afraid, make sure to stop and breathe and maybe even
sing to calm down.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">My question for you is what do
you do when you are afraid? And what is your favorite scene from Snow White?</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Peace and Blessings be with you,<o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">Kevin<o:p></o:p></p>Kevin A Tothhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00873051463038965433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-666750802784534870.post-24196479410679606962022-06-08T08:10:00.003-05:002022-06-08T08:10:59.643-05:00Why Pride MattersHave you noticed all the rainbow flags may be covering the streets, cities, and internet lately?<div><br /></div><div>That's because June is here; which means it's Pride month for the LGBTQ+/Queer community! </div><div><br /></div><div>While Pride is a year long experience, I view Pride month similarly to other holidays I celebrate like Halloween and Christmas. With Halloween in October, I often watch a lot more horror movies and dress up in different costumes. However, I don't just watch horror movies and dress up in October but do these activities all year long because I enjoy them. The same is true for Christmas. In December, I shop and purchase gifts for my family and friends because it is a holiday that reminds us of the joy of giving onto others. But I still give gifts to my family and friends during the other months of the year as well. <div><br /></div><div>Pride is the same. It's important to celebrate Pride all year long, but it's also important to celebrate your Pride openly in June as well. </div><div><br /></div><div>I came out of my closet when I was in college. Like all individuals who come out of their closets, it was a scary period because when you come out of the closet, you are making the choice to be seen authentically by everyone in your life. The questions of "Once they see who I 'really am' will they still accept me? Want me? Love me?" It's a type of trauma that no one should ever have to experience but is too common in the LGBTQ+ community. </div><div><br /></div><div>Unfortunately, when I came out, my mother had already passed away. So I never had the opportunity to come out to her and reveal that I am gay. Thankfully, this is not a source of grief for me. </div><div><br /></div><div>I was extremely close with my mother. She was my biggest advocate growing up and made me the better person that I am today. And she was very liberal. When I was a teenager, I heard her talk openly about her support for the LGBTQ+ community and her frustration at the exclusion that they faced in the church and in the world. This knowledge and experience gives me relief, because if I did have the chance to come out to my mom, I know she would accept me, want me, and love me fully. </div><div><br /></div><div>This is why Pride matters, for not just LGBTQ+ people, but for everyone. </div><div><br /></div><div>It matters to me personally because it gives me a chance to affirm my wonderful identity as a gay cisgender man. </div><div>It matters also because it reminds me that I must be an ally for other people who are also same-gender loving, transgender, non-binary, pansexual, and queer as well. To express my love and support as well.</div><div>And it matters to straight cisgender persons because you may know someone who is LGBTQ+ and Queer who is in need of your love and support. </div><div><br /></div><div>Children and Teenagers are extremely observant and they are looking for clues to know if they will be loved and supported for their queer identities from their families. By supporting Pride, both in June and throughout the year, you are loving your children and possibly someone else's children if they know they do not have a safe family to come out to. </div><div><br /></div><div>So I hope this month and year you will express your support of Pride. </div><div><br /></div><div>I support Pride and I hope anyone who is LGBTQ+ and Queer feels safe around me to come out to because I will love you, affirm you, and support you as the wonderful human being that you are born as. </div><div><br /></div><div>Peace and Blessings be with you all and Happy Pride!</div></div>Kevin A Tothhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00873051463038965433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-666750802784534870.post-80960176749931598862022-05-25T07:38:00.000-05:002022-05-25T07:38:58.848-05:00Accountable<p> I've been reflecting <span style="text-align: justify;">upon a
memory when I was in elementary school. I believe it was 4</span><sup style="text-align: justify;">th</sup><span style="text-align: justify;">
grade. One of my peers was acting really rowdy and misbehaving, to the point it
was disrupting the entire class. Many of the other students thought it was
funny and encouraged the misbehaving behavior. I sat quietly, hoping it would
settle down eventually. The teacher, appropriately fed up with everything that
was going on, punished the entire class with no recess. I remember feeling so
betrayed because I kept thinking, “But I didn’t do anything wrong, why should I
get punished for the actions of one person?”</span></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">That sense of betrayal stayed
with me through the rest of my childhood. And in many ways, was encouraged
through the lens of our society. America values our individualism and even
promotes it. I was never taught this explicitly, but I could see it on TV shows
I watched, through the actions of adults around me, and even through the
politics that were passed that my mother would talk about at home (often in the
form of angry rants). And yet, my 4<sup>th</sup> grade teacher went against
this individual idolatry and didn’t just punish the one student but punished us
all. I am sad to say that it took too long for me to realize the wisdom in her
actions.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">I want to be clear that I do not
believe individualism to be a bad thing by itself. Our individual lives are
sacred and should have rights. However, individualism that is absolute and idolized
is dangerous. And it’s what killing our nation; too often in the form of gun
violence.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">I have heard the argument from
gun owners whenever a violent act occurs involving one or a few people
committing gun violence that they did not do anything wrong so why do people
demand for gun reform (often thinking gun reform means their guns will be taken
away and often reciting their individual right based on a loose interpretation
of the 2<sup>nd</sup> amendment).</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">I’m honestly not a fan of guns at
all. I never want one in my living space, and I do not feel comfortable being
in the presence of one. But gun reform is not taking all guns away. It’s about
education. It’s about strong background checks. It’s about protecting the most
vulnerable in our society.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">I look toward other countries in
the world who have stronger gun reform and the statistics reveal that gun
violence is incredibly lower. Japan requires everyone to take all-day classes,
written exams, and pass mental and drug tests. Japan has one of the lowest
rates of gun crime in the world.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">But it’s not just a difference in
a person’s view of guns…it’s a culture that is based on community, not
individualism.</p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">I believe the issue of gun
control comes down to our need to shift our focus toward what is best for the
community, not the individual. When one person does something wrong, either a
misbehaving kid or a person committing violence with a gun…we all must be held
accountable. I must be held accountable for staying silence, even though I didn’t
do anything. Our leaders must be held accountable, even if they didn’t do
anything. Let us shift our thinking from the actions of one individual to the actions
of ALL of us and protect all our citizens from any more unnecessary death and
violence. <o:p></o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;"><o:p> </o:p></p>
<p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">This is my prayer. <o:p></o:p></p>Kevin A Tothhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00873051463038965433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-666750802784534870.post-80527767584731506422022-03-02T07:41:00.001-06:002022-03-02T07:41:51.907-06:00Sitting in the Ashes (Lenten Reflection)<p>Today is Ash Wednesday. Officially, the first day of the season of Lent. </p><p>Just yesterday, a member of the church I currently serve at asked me, "Why is Tuesday before Lent called 'fast Tuesday'?" I explained that traditionally, many Christians practice Lent by fasting so they would spent the day before eating heavier foods to prepare for their fast. In my experience, most people have transformed the practice of fasting food to simply giving up anything in their life. In recent years, the practice continues to transform as some people decide not to take away something from their lives but add something instead. In my mind, as long as the item or activity you are giving up/taking on brings you closer to God's presence during this season, you are celebrating Lent. </p><p>As I was heading to bed last night, I was scrolling on my Facebook page and one of my minister colleagues wrote a short but I felt very powerful statement about these two Lenten practices. To paraphrase his words, he mentioned how in the last two years of both the pandemic and the continuous tragedies we have experienced in the world, how can we take away another thing when it seems so much of our lives is already been taken away? </p><p>And in the same breathe, he mentioned how can we be asked to take on one more thing when we been carrying so much already? I found the statement profound and very realistic. Our spirituality needs to be more realistic at times. I would even say as real as the spirituality of Job. </p><p>Most everyone knows about the character of Job and the suffering he had endured. In most cases of "ultimate suffering", Job is the main example that ministers run to. And it's understandable why. In Job's situation, we never get a final answer as to why Job suffered. We get theories and numerous questions, but never a final answer as to why Job suffered the way he did. That alone is why I believe so many biblical scholars and ministers study Job's book...because deep down, the struggle for answers is so relatable. </p><p>Almost too relatable. In fact, these last several years have felt like something I would read in a biblical book: plagues, wars, deaths of beloved leaders, rebellions, corrupt leaders, discrimination, racism, xenophobia, fear of the end times...</p><p>So yes, I agree with my colleague. It does feel so hard to take on something to else during Lent. It feels unjust to ask myself and others to let go of one more thing when we are trying to hold on to what little we might have. So I wonder if instead this Lenten season, in our 40 day journey to become closer to God's presence and love in our lives, we simply just be...?</p><p>After all the suffering that Job had witnessed, there is a statement from the writer that shares Job had sat among the ashes. For the longest time, I found the imagery of this verse to be so powerful. It's a phrase my CPE supervisor would share with us as a model of pastoral care quite often. And today, this phrase comes back to me because it feels so relevant and real. How many of us have been sitting in ours and our loved one's ashes, both metaphorically and perhaps to some degree, even literally? In all that Job had endured, he knew he could not take on another thing to do nor could he ask himself to take away one more thing, for he had nothing more to give. And somehow, despite all that which had occurred, he still wanted a closer relationship with God. </p><p>So perhaps this season, we can simply just sit in the ashes that may be present in our lives. As we prepare to receive the ashes upon our foreheads, may we not feel pressured that we must take something on or we must give something up in order to feel God's presence. For God's presence is here with you. In the daily air that you breath, God is with you. In the teardrops that are released from pain, God is with you. From the unanswered questions that leave our lips these last few years and onward, God is with you. </p><p>May we remember we are not alone in our ashes this season and we are loved by the One that made us from the dust, always and forever. </p><p>Be at peace. </p>Kevin A Tothhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00873051463038965433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-666750802784534870.post-36893522089390507942020-05-31T00:29:00.000-05:002020-05-31T00:32:02.513-05:00Pentecost Reflection: Breath of Love<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Scripture from the book of Numbers 11:24-30<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i><sup>24 </sup></i></b><i>So Moses went out and
told the people the words of the Lord; and he gathered seventy elders of
the people, and placed them all around the tent. <b><sup>25 </sup></b>Then
the Lord came down in the cloud and spoke to him, and took some of
the spirit that was on him and put it on the seventy elders; and when the
spirit rested upon them, they prophesied. But they did not do so again.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><i><sup>26 </sup></i></b><i>Two men remained in the
camp, one named Eldad, and the other named Medad, and the spirit rested on
them; they were among those registered, but they had not gone out to the tent,
and so they prophesied in the camp. <b><sup>27 </sup></b>And a young
man ran and told Moses, “Eldad and Medad are prophesying in the camp.” <b><sup>28 </sup></b>And
Joshua son of Nun, the assistant of Moses, one of his chosen men,<sup>[<a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Numbers+11%3A24-30&version=NRSV#fen-NRSV-4053a" title="See footnote a">a</a>]</sup> said, “My lord Moses, stop them!” <b><sup>29 </sup></b>But
Moses said to him, “Are you jealous for my sake? Would that all the Lord’s
people were prophets, and that the Lord would put his spirit on
them!” <b><sup>30 </sup></b>And Moses and the elders of Israel
returned to the camp.<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Have you ever read a passage from some place and for some
reason, feel drawn to what was being said? You may not fully understand why you
are being drawn to the words that are written, but you feel deep in your soul.
This is what I discovered with this passage several days ago. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I read this passage, I was reminded of a bible study session
at my home church, Wake Forest Christian Church, in which we were watching one
of Rob Bell’s Nooma videos called “Breath”. In the video, Bell shares that in
the bible, the word LORD was translated from the original word in Hebrew, Yahweh.
However, the ancient Hebrew people would not pronounce the word Yahweh because
of how sacred God’s name is. So instead, they would state only the vowel sounds
YHWH, which if pronounced would be “Yud-Hey-Vav-Hey”. And in the video, Bell
makes the profound statement that has always stayed with me, “Is the name of
God…the sound of breathing?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am reminded of that bible study when I read this scripture.
We see that Moses taught the “words of the LORD”. I have to wonder though, if
the name of God is indeed the sound of breathing, would Moses be simply
teaching the people how to breathe? It’s an interesting question and even more
interesting the fact that we know that the Hebrew word for Spirit (Ruach) is also
the same word for Breath and Wind. And the passage states that God’s Spirit came
from the clouds (which is made of wind), came to Moses and then from Moses came
to the seventy elders that were gathered. And once the Spirit dwelled among the
elders, the elders were able to prophesy. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What is the connection between God’s Spirit and the ability
to prophesy? In my belief, God is the eternal source of love. And when we learn
how to breathe fully and deeply, we are loving ourselves and when we honor and
respect the breath that lives within another human being, we are loving them as
well. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And while prophets have mistakenly gotten the reputation as
powerful beings that can foretell the future, this could not be further from
the truth. Prophets are regular people, just like you and me. But prophets are
indeed special, because true prophets’ model what it means to love our
neighbors by speaking and acting on behalf of God’s wishes for humanity. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When we prophesy, we are remembering the Spirit that dwells
within our very breath and partnering with the Spirit of God as we pour our
love for our world. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But to love is not easy. Love means speaking out against
injustices that occur in our world. Love means caring for others when it is not
easy to do so. Love is standing with the broken-hearted and not casting
judgments but understanding what our neighbors are going through. Love is
bridging gaps that have broken relationships and creating a new path for reconciliation
when possible. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It honestly doesn’t surprise me that the 70 elders in the
camp were only able to prophesy once. To love and pour out one’s love in God’s
name is extremely draining and, in our world, rest is a gift that is not always
given. But what’s extraordinary is that two other men from the camp, Eldad and
Medad, felt the Spirit’s call and began to prophesy on their own. And while
Joshua was not happy with this, Moses was pleased and encouraged it. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To me this represents an important lesson- if we are not
called to prophesy (either because we don’t know how, we doubt ourselves, or we
are drained and tired), we still have a part to play. We can encourage, support,
and cheer on those who are still pouring our God’s love into the world. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Our world needs more prophets. Injustice threatens to
consume our world and love is needed now more than ever to create change for
our world. Change in which people no longer fear jogging or being killed by
police. Change in which all people: Black, Hispanic, Asian, Middle Eastern, White,
Gay, Trans, Bi, Straight, Women, Non-binary, Men, Older, Younger, those with
common and uncommon functioning- are able to truly stand together as equal neighbors
and create together a better world. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Today, on the day of Pentecost, this is my hope and prayer:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
May we take a breath and know that we are breathing in God’s
Holy Spirit and in that breath, may we be filled with the strength and courage to
prophesy the love of God that needs to be breathed into our world. And if we
are tired or having trouble breathing, may we support those who continue to do
the hard work of love for our world. And in all things, May the Divine of your
understanding grant you peace, wisdom, and understanding to help make our world
a better place to live in. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Blessed be. Amen.</div>
Kevin A Tothhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00873051463038965433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-666750802784534870.post-54575437963314225172020-05-10T11:41:00.001-05:002020-05-10T11:41:19.847-05:00Celebrating in a New Way<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
When the word “Celebration” came up, I used to believe that
it only meant a time of rejoicing about something good in the world or in one’s
life. For example, many of us celebrate on holidays. Mothers Day being the most
convenient example. Throughout Facebook, I see post after post of people
celebrating how much they love their mothers and how thankful they are for all the
amazing things their mothers have done for them. And I’m rejoicing right
alongside them. I’m so thankful so many people have mothers who cared for them
and raised them to be the people they are today. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
However, I realized today that I am not only celebrating
Mother’s Day in thanksgiving for other mothers. I am also celebrating in honor
of my mother. But my celebration isn’t 100% joyful or rejoicing. Most of my
celebration comes with grief. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am saddened that I am not able to be physically with my
mother both today and the rest of my life. I am saddened that on the many tough
days I’ve been experiencing, I’m not able to call my mother on the phone and
seek her counsel or hear her tell me things are going to be okay. Today, I am
hurt and I am sad. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And yet…I celebrate Mother’s Day. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And I know I am not alone. Mother’s Day is a very complicated
holiday. There are many children who have lost their mothers like me. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But there
are also women who have lost children. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Women who want to conceive but are
unable to. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
People who were abandoned by their mothers. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Women who had no choice
but to give their children up. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
People who were abused by their mothers. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Women
who choose not to have children but are critiqued for their choices. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And now
with COVID-19, there are those who grieve not being able to be at their mother’s
beside in the hospitals.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Mother’s Day is a day of rejoicing and thanksgiving, but it
is also a day of lament, sadness, anger, and even pain. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s this reason that I choose no longer to define celebration
as a way of expressing rejoice. I see celebration as a time of expression.
Expressing the emotions that need to be shared.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You can celebrate by lighting a candle and crying from your
pain. You can celebrate by writing a letter of the anger you feel. You can
celebrate by remembering good times and not so good times. You can do all of
these things or none of these things. The choice is up to you in how you celebrate
the multitude of emotions that Mother’s Day and any holiday may have in store
for you. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Today, I will cry from my losses. I will give thanks for the
women who have been like mothers to me in my life. And I will remember all the
memories I did have with my mom and lament possible memories that were lost after
she died. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My hope for you is that you take some time today to
celebrate anyway you need to. I hope you are able to express your emotions, no
matter what they are, and find someone who cares for you enough to never judge
you for the emotions you express.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
May your Spirit be blessed today and the days ahead, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Blessed Be and Amen.</div>
Kevin A Tothhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00873051463038965433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-666750802784534870.post-985386978334109892020-04-28T20:42:00.000-05:002020-04-28T20:42:09.229-05:00Devotional- Positive Energy<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
When was the last time you had a positive thought about
anything? And how did that positive thought make you feel? </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I feel this pandemic
that our world is suffering through has robbed us of many things, including but
not limited to positivity. I mean, how can one be positive when people are
getting sick and we are forced to isolate from those we love and care for. Its
much easier to be negative and upset about the way things are going on in our
world. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I found myself in a state of sadness for several days and I
started to believe that things were never going to alright again. The negative
thoughts made me feel less energized to do anything and I just sat around in my
off time feeling miserable. But one day, I decided to walk out on my back
porch; the weather was enjoyable, and it was a change of scenery. Its hard to
describe how beautiful the sun shined above the sky and made everything in the
world seem so much better than what I was feeling. I began to think positively,
about just how beautiful the world really was and I started to remember what
good things people were doing despite the pandemic. I was beginning to think
positively and as a result, I was feeling much better. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There are going to be days when all the negativity of the
world around us is going to drain our energy and make us feel miserable. And
it’s okay to feel this way. It’s only natural. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But my hope and prayer is that
you don’t let the negativity control your whole life. That you are able to find
some positives in the world that will uplift your spirit and give you hope that
all will be well again. Its surprising just how many positive things, big and
small, that may be surrounding us every day. All we need to do is take a moment
and look for them. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So I ask you again, when was the last time you thought about
something positive? And when do you think is it time to begin to think
positively again?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
May you take some time today to reflect upon these
questions. May you not be consumed by negativity but give power to the positive
energy that is all around us all the time. And may light and love fill your
spirits and grant you hope that one day, all will be well again.<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />Kevin A Tothhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00873051463038965433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-666750802784534870.post-63362456021733486862020-04-09T21:57:00.000-05:002020-04-09T21:57:26.441-05:00Good Friday Reflections- Are We Forsaken?<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>Passage from the Book of Psalms: 22: 1-5<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><span style="mso-tab-count: 1;"> </span>My God,
My God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from helping me, from the
words of my groaning? O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer; and by
night, but find no rest. Yet you are holy, enthroned on the praises of Israel.
In you our ancestors trusted; they trusted and you delivered them. To you they
cried, and were saved; in you they trusted, and were not put to shame. <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
These are difficult times. In just the past month, it feels
like the world has shifted and changed so much. People dying of an unknown
disease. Businesses are shutting down and people are told to stay at home, isolated from their loved ones. People are being laid off and forced into unemployment. New
protocols are being invited every day in the healthcare field to protect our
patients and staff. There seems to be so much uncertainty and fear in the air
and the one question that I keep wondering is…when will all this be over? And
to disappointment, all the experts and leaders do not know when these trials
will conclude.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s terrifying being in difficult times and not sure when
those difficulties will end. In many ways, this is how Jesus’ disciples and
family felt as they watched their teacher and savior, hung up on the Cross to
die. We now are blessed to know that Jesus would be victorious over death but
let’s imagine how those disciples must have felt, sitting either at the foot of
the Cross or across the field, seeing the person they love and cherish die. All their
hard work they done, all the amazing acts of ministry they did across the
country, was about to be over. And imagine how you might feel, hearing your teacher,
the person you love dearly, utter the words, “My God, My God, why have you
forsaken me?” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If I heard my savior say those words, I too would wonder,
“Are we forsaken? Has God forsaken us?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
During times of stress, grief, anxiety, and fear can make a
person wonder if they feel forsaken by those they love. Be it from God or from
their human loved ones. I know in my past, I have felt that forsaken feeling of
isolation. And it’s even easy to feel forsaken when we are called to
“self-isolate” from others. Being physically separated from our physical
communities. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There is no shame in uttering the words, “why have you
forsaken me?” For we see Jesus himself say those very words before he drew his
last breath. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
However, it is important to know that Jesus was not just
sharing his own grief and pain upon the Cross. He was also trusting in God’s
presence during his torment. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jesus as a devout Jewish man who studied all the psalms like
all the other Jewish children of his time. As such, he would be very familiar
with the 22<sup>nd</sup> Psalm, in which the Psalmist laments her torment and
feelings of being forsaken. The psalmist shares all her grief and pains that
she has endured, much like Jesus is doing on the Cross. But then the Psalmist starts
to make a shift in her lament. She then states God will deliver her and is with
her. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Despite all the Psalmist has been through, the Psalmist is
going to be okay because God is with her. God is with us. Jesus, as he is dying
on the Cross, is saying the exact same thing. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
God is with us in these times of uncertainty. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
God is with us in these moments of anxiety, fear, and unbearable stress.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
God is with us always. And through God's presence, we will be restored.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So as we contemplate Jesus' last moments on the Cross, may we remember that Jesus as he spoke the 22nd psalm was lamenting his pain yet also trusting in God's presence to restore him in the days ahead. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
May we hold on to hope that God's presence will never forsake us and through God, we will be restored in the days ahead.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Blessings be upon you all. </div>
<br />Kevin A Tothhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00873051463038965433noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-666750802784534870.post-87706937449782659582020-02-26T19:58:00.000-06:002020-02-26T19:58:23.505-06:00Why I Celebrate Ash WednesdayToday, Christians everywhere were once again receiving the mark of the cross on their forehead, a sign that they were born from the dust and to dust they one day will return. While originally a Catholic ritual that marked the beginning of the Lent season till Good Friday and Easter, many Protestant denominations have adopted and adapted Ash Wednesday as well.<br />
<br />
I too received my ashes and offered the mark of the cross for the hospital staff today. One person, not completely aware of what Ash Wednesday is, asked me personally, "Why do <b><i>you</i></b> celebrate Ash Wednesday?"<br />
<br />
As with any great and deep question, I took a moment to ponder what was asked of me and I now share that same question for you (if you celebrate Ash Wednesday of course).<br />
<br />
<i>Why do you celebrate Ash Wednesday? Why do you offer your forehead to be marked with ash in the sign of the cross? </i><br />
<br />
I feel often times that holiday celebrations, be it religious or institutional holidays, involve or include some sort of gift or reward. Even today, a staff member asked me, "What do I get out of this?"when I offered her ashes.<br />
<br />
For Christmas, we give and receive gifts from family and friends. For Easter, we remember God's Son victory over death while also eating Easter egg candy and chocolates.<br />
<br />
But today, the gift that is given is a symbol, covered in ash and placed on our forehead. A symbol of God's closeness even when we, humanity, are far away. Ash Wednesday and the season of Lent reminds us that we are not perfect and make mistakes, but we are still loved and can always grow. This holiday reminds us that we are not alone on our spiritual lives, but God is wanting to take a closer walk with us, if we invite God in.<br />
<br />
This is why I celebrate Ash Wednesday. Because I am not perfect. I make mistakes. And I often try to do things without God. Yes, even Ministers do God's work while sometimes forgetting to bring God with us! So I need this reminder in my life. I need the Cross on my forehead to remember that I live with the Spirit of God, not just from the Spirit of God.<br />
<br />
The mark upon my forehead is not just a convenient spot either. The forehead is the place in our bodies that we store all our thoughts and insights. However, our thoughts can often go all over the place and without focus, can wander into the wilderness. By placing the ashes on our foreheads, we are centering our wandering thoughts to remember that God is still here with us. God is journeying with us and we are not alone.<br />
<br />
This is why I celebrate Ash Wednesday and will continue to celebrate it for the rest of my life.<br />
<br />
So as we continue to celebrate Ash Wednesday and begin this season of Lent together, may you remember that God lives within you, as close as your very breath. May you invite the Divine of your understanding into your spiritual journey, knowing you don't have to be perfect in order for God to be with you. Just loved for who you are, a beautiful and fearfully made child of God.<br />
<br />
May you each be blessed today and the days to come.<br />
<br />
Blessed be.Kevin A Tothhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00873051463038965433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-666750802784534870.post-55143042808210324712019-12-31T16:46:00.001-06:002019-12-31T16:46:23.311-06:00Exit and Enter- Decade ReviewIt's almost here! A new decade in the world and in our lives is almost upon us!<br />
<br />
I'm sure the majority of us have a mixed bag of emotions that we are carrying in both our hands tonight. Ten years is a long time and maybe the previous decade has not been very kind. Or perhaps it's been nothing but blessings! Or maybe it's a mixture of both. I know mine has been a filled with wonderful, terrible, fantastic, awful, joyous, tiresome, sacred, mundane, and everything in between.<br />
<br />
As I looked back upon my last ten years, it's almost overwhelming just how much has happened in my life.<br />
<br />
<b><i>[If you are already know my story, you can skip the next two paragraphs]</i></b><br />
The decade began while I was a senior in high school: attending my home church in Wake Forest, North Carolina- being a roadee for my friend's band- going to Camp Caroline and Christmount for the first time- being a youth leader in RCYW- being more aware to my call to ministry- and eventually graduating high school.<br />
The decade started off on a great start, but it didn't last long, for not too long after that, I went through a maelstrom of changes in my life (adulthood will do that to a person) and lost my mother, my main guide and supporter in life. Looking back, it's hard to imagine how I not only recovered from my loss, but grew, for I then started attending Barton College- getting involved in various organizations on campus- met and made life long friends including but not limited to Mary, Leighanne, Cristian, and Aaron. I even got to do my first international trip to Haiti, and travel to New York, Washington, DC, Nashville, Lexington, and Indianapolis. I stepped closer to my ministerial calling by working on the campus religious life office, FCC Wilson and St. Paul's Christian Church, RCYW adult team, and Christmount and Camp Caroline summer staffs. I even had the courage to come out of the closet as a gay man. Those college years were hard and tough, but they were some of the best years I spent and in the end, it all paid off with a Bachelors in Religious Studies and History.<br />
And then the middle of the decade would be a huge shift in my life. Accepting my ministerial calling, I had the courage to move to Texas all alone, pursing my Masters at Brite Divinity School. I am thankful that now I can say I am not alone and have made such close friends including, but not limited to Charlie, Logan, Joey, Matthew, Nick, Tyler, Stephen, Keith, and Nathan. I even expanded my ministry experience by being the camp staff director at Christmount, ministry intern at Ridglea Christian Church, and CPE chaplain intern at UNC Rex. The three years were tough, mentally, emotionally, and even physically, but in the end, they too allowed me to achieve my masters and ordination in the Disciples of Christ.<br />
<br />
And finally this final year in the decade, I realized that there is still a lot of growing to do. I spent the entirety of this year serving as a Chaplain Resident at Methodist Mansfield Medical Center, providing spiritual care and support to those sick, suffering, dying, and grieving. I supported my dear friends Leighanne, Matthew, Logan, and Joey as they celebrated their many achievements in their own lives, Directed CYF Conference at Christmount, and recently began my training as a Reiki Practitioner.<br />
<br />
It's been a long decade, with ups and downs and everything in between. Yet the one question that keeps popping into my head today is, <b>"What am I leaving behind and what am I taking with me?"</b><br />
<br />
I think it's an important question, not just for me but for many of us. What are we leaving behind? And What are we taking with us?<br />
<br />
I think its easy to say that we will be leaving behind all the negative things and taking with us only the positives. However, as for myself, I don't think that is something I am going to do. For there are many things that are negative in my life that I must take with me if I am going to grow from them. And there are some positive memories that I know I must leave behind, or thus I risk only looking at all those things I admire in the past and loose hope for anymore good for the future.<br />
<br />
So this is my answer as to what I'm leaving behind in the 2010s and what I'm taking with me in the 2020s.<br />
<br />
I am leaving behind my fears of failure and rejection- for those no do not serve me well. This past decade has taught me that I am no failure and being myself will not lead to people rejecting my presence. And I leave behind guilt and shame for the past mistakes I have made; along with my accomplishments that I've made thus far, for the life journey is not at it's end, but only beginning.<br />
<br />
What I am taking with me is my grieves, for they are a part of my life story and help me to serve those who are grieving now. I also am taking the love and relationships that I have made thus far and also my hope for a brighter future for all people.<br />
<br />
So, my friends, before the new decade begins, <b>how will you exit the past ten years and how will you enter the next ten years to come?</b><br />
<br />
May your answers bring you life, love, and much peace!<br />
<div>
<div>
<br /></div>
</div>
Kevin A Tothhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00873051463038965433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-666750802784534870.post-69149856931268581152019-06-23T06:31:00.000-05:002019-06-23T06:31:45.265-05:00Ordination Anniversary: Affirmations<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
It seems almost unreal that a year ago today, I was ordained
into Christian ministry at St. Paul’s Christian church through my sponsoring
home church, Wake Forest Christian Church. There are so many to thank for their
support, prayers, guidance, and care that helped me to reach ordination:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My Family<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Wake Forest Christian Church<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
RCYW: Mentors and Peers<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
First Christian Church of Wilson<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
St. Paul’s Christian Church<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ridglea Christian Church<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Camp Caroline<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Christmount Assembly<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ridglea Christian Church<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
UNC Rex Healthcare<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Barton College teachers, peers, and close friends<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Brite Divinity School teachers, peers, and close friends<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Regions of North Carolina and Southwest<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
All the ministers and lay persons who participated and came
to my ordination service<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And of course, my Mother’s Spirit<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I reflected during my ordination that the calling I received
from God is a scary one. And I still affirm this statement. To do God’s work:
to love, to care, to support, and advocate for those suffering and marginalized
around us is not easy work, especially in a world that does not make it any
easier. The fear that I expressed a year ago is still with me. Yet despite this
fear, I still am walking the road set before me by God’s eternal Spirit. I will
walk with my fears and trust in the Divine of my understanding that no matter
what paths I am being called to walk, I will not be alone and my Ruah will give
me the strength to do what God has called me to do on this earth. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This ordained year, I served primarily as a Chaplain
Resident at Methodist Mansfield Medical Center. The experiences I gained
through this ministry will benefit me for a lifetime and I will cherish the
connections I made thus far. In addition to my work at the hospital, I also had
the opportunity to preach at several churches both in North Carolina and
Southwest Region, as well as serve as the CYF Conference director at
Christmount.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
From this past ordained year, I’d like to thank the
following persons for allowing me to be a part of their ministries and for
offering me support on my journey thus far. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Methodist Health System: Pastoral Care Department<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
First Christian Church, Fayetteville NC<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
First Christian Church, Black Mountain NC<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Wake Forest Christian Church<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
First Christian Church, Woodson TX<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
First Christian Church, Cleburne TX<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Richland Springs Christian Church<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ridglea Christian Church<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Christmount Assembly<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
CYF Campers, Counselors, and Camp Staff, (Christmount 2018)<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
North Carolina and Southwest Regions<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My Transitions in Ministry group<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Disciples Chaplain Association<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Close Friends and Ministry Colleagues<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And in memory of Rev. Don Wirsdrofer. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
May this coming year bring forth many more blessings and
opportunities to share the love of God with other people and experience the
grace and presence of the Spirit in all of the Spirits many beautiful forms and
ways. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Peace,</div>
Kevin A Tothhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00873051463038965433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-666750802784534870.post-82305229585685455832019-04-21T07:20:00.001-05:002019-04-21T07:20:25.828-05:00Easter Reflection<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Happy Easter Everyone. Once again, Christians around the
world celebrate the return of Christ from the grave and how death could not be
beaten by God’s Son. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
However, I feel I must ask: Is it really death that Christ
beat three days after being nailed to the cross?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I feel death unfairly gets demonized in Christianity. As if
it is our real enemy in life. And that when Christ came to our world, he came
to defeat death. I do not believe this is the reason Christ came to our world
and I certainly do not believe death is our enemy. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Death is a part of life. An unfortunate part of life. But one
that is a part of our creations. We Christians remember that fact every year on
Ash Wednesday, to remember that we come from the dust and to dust, we shall
return. We are fragile, finite beings, continuously changing and growing till
we take our last breathes. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I understand though, why many fear death and why many view
death as the enemy. I see it every week at the hospital. I’m called to every
death that occurs, to see the family grieving their loss and beginning the next
steps of understanding how the relationship has changed with the person in the
hospital bed. The pain we feel from losing someone we love dear is unbearable. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We all know that our lives will eventually end. But death is
not our enemy. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The real enemy, the one I believe Jesus really defeated on the
cross…was injustice and unbearable suffering. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We must remember the reason why Jesus was killed on the
cross in the first place. His death was plotted out and because of that, Jesus
death can be classified as a murder. Jesus had not committed any crimes nor had
he caused another person harm. He showed compassion, care, wisdom, and love to
those he met in his ministry. Jesus was a good man. And yet he was killed, at
the age of 33, simply because he spoke out against the injustices that were
occurring in his communities. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It was injustice that killed Jesus. It was suffering that
ended Jesus life. In the end, it was death that at last granted Jesus peace
from the pain that he had to endure those final moments.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But as we know, Jesus does return. Three days after his
murder, he returns to his disciples and shows the world that he is indeed the
victor. But not the victor of death. He was the victor of injustice.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The lesson I choose to take away from Easter, the lesson
that we receive from Christ’s resurrection, is that injustice does not have the
final say. Discrimination does not have the final say. Unbearable suffering
does not have the final say. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And for that, I do celebrate this day. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But let us be mindful in how we celebrate this victory. Because
even though Jesus’ death was not in vain, how many others do we know who face
injustice in our communities, in our societies? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Where else is the image of Christ, hanging on the cross, being
the victim of injustice located before us? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We are all made in the image of God and if indeed Christ is
God’s son, then we can assume that we are made in Christ’s image; which means…there
are those in our world suffering from their own crosses, unfairly treated and being
harmed simply for who they are. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And we do not need to look far to find these crosses:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How about the families on the Mexican border, being separated
from each other because they are seeking a better life?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How about in Louisiana, where three African American
churches were burned?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How about for our LGBTQ neighbors who constantly face
discrimination and constant abuse from the federal and local governments all
the time?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How about those who face homelessness and are unable to receive
any support from the more economically secure? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We are more aware of the crosses that people suffer upon
every day than we realize. And while we are reminded, through Jesus, that injustice
and suffering does not have the final say, the choice is up to all of us in how
we are going to make sure injustice does not have the final say. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jesus didn’t just come back to give the world hope that our
suffering would not be our end. He came to the disciples, to pass on all that
he taught, all his lessons for hope, peace, and love so that all those who
follow Christ may continue to fight the true enemy that haunts our lives.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We are all very comfortable <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">only</i></b> celebrating Easter
with egg hunts, worshiping at church, and family gatherings. But let us not end
the celebrations on Easter. In fact, let the celebrations continue in the days
ahead. However, let us also transform our celebrations by inviting change into
our communities. By standing up and with those who live on the margins. By
letting those who have been silenced speak their voice. By inviting the ones in
pain into our church doors and walk out with them to see the different faces of
God we sometimes miss. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jesus took down one cross and has now empowered us to take
down the crosses in our lives today. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I offer this Easter reflection to you. And hope God speaks
to you through the words I have written. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
May God’s Ruah and Peace Always be with You.</div>
Kevin A Tothhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00873051463038965433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-666750802784534870.post-46566274668994959352019-03-17T12:10:00.003-05:002019-03-17T12:10:54.435-05:00Compare Not<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-weight: normal;">There was once a man who
gave up his life to follow a calling. For three years, he traveled far and
wide, learning new ways of living, with himself and with others. He was a good
devout man, but he made mistakes and one mistake led him to betray a man he
loved. Guilt, shame, and grief consumed the man, and even though the man whom
he betrayed forgave him, he questioned himself and his calling. He tried to
avoid his calling by looking to those around him and compare their callings to
his own. The man he betrayed told him, “What is that to YOU? Just follow me.”
The man’s name was Peter, the apostle of Jesus.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-weight: normal;">I look at this narrative
and I remember just how easy it is for us to make comparisons in our lives and
how such comparisons do not bare such fruit. But it’s not just about comparing
one’s self to another person. It goes much deeper at that. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-weight: normal;">When a comparison is made,
there is often the question, “What do they have that I don’t?” The mindset of
the question is to focus on our faults, our growing edges, and our struggles.
Peter knew he betrayed Jesus by denying him three times after his arrest. He
saw his mistakes and claimed those mistakes as his identity. But Jesus told him
he was more than his mistakes. He gave Peter a purpose, a way to grow out from
his past and into a brighter future. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-weight: normal;">The danger of comparisons
when it comes to our identities is wide spread, even our present age. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-weight: normal;">In the work place,
employees, managers, even ministers, may leave a church or organization for any
number of reasons. The grief of losing someone, especially someone we have
grown close to can be difficult. Yet life continues on and the position that is
now empty remains. I have seen too often when a place is hiring someone new;
they compare the possible new person to the person who had just left. And if
the new person is not similar enough to the original person, then they might
not have the chance to be a part of the organization. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-weight: normal;">While I understand that
allowing someone new, especially if the new person is very different from the
person you are still grieving, can be difficult to go through; allowing new
people in allows our hearts to grow. It gives us an opportunity to learn from
new people, to build new relationships, and to experience new perspectives from
new people. This is not to say that organizations and churches must always find
someone different from the previous person; however, being open to different
types of people, by not comparing them to the original person, is an experience
that I believe can be beneficial both on an individual and system basis.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-weight: normal;">Comparisons are also
different on the intimate level too. A break up can happen and when the time to
move on occurs, we can easily compare our next relationships with our previous
one. There are two spectrums to comparisons here: The person is too similar to
the previous person or not similar enough. Seeking similarities in new people
halts opportunities for learning, because if we spend our time just looking at
how the new person is similar or different from the previous person, then our
time is wasted not learning the narrative of the person right in front of you. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-weight: normal;">When we seek to compare
ourselves or other people, we can halt the possibility for change. Change is a
scary concept to a lot of people. I too am scared of change. Change is not
predictable. We have no idea how change might/will occur in our lives. And
changing ourselves can take us out of the safety and comfortably of what we
know and don’t know. We spend our whole lives learning and building ourselves
up to what we do know. So to be scared of changing is natural and completely
okay. But fear should never keep us from allowing ourselves to grow. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-weight: normal;">And truth be told, we are
creatures of change. Our whole lives is built upon change. Our bodies change
all the time, from the moment we are born to the last breath we take. Our minds
change as we grow in wisdom and knowledge. Even our Spirits change as we can
become fuller and more conscious with the Ones that live within us. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-weight: normal;">Change is inevitable. I am
reminded of a metaphor that was taught to me to understand Taoism. Our lives
are like a river and sometimes the river is nice and slow while other times the
river is fast and deep. To fight against the river is to cause anguish and
pain. To become one with the river, with the constant changes that can occur
within, grants us peace. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-weight: normal;">I believe a good step to
achieving peace is to let go of our need to make comparisons with others. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-weight: normal;">I know I spend way too much
of my time comparing myself to other people and it makes me wonder how I can
become better; as if becoming like another person will make myself better in
other people’s lives. When in reality, most people simply want me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-weight: normal;">I believe the same is true
for you too. Good decent people will want you for yourself. And being oneself,
even with our growing edges, with our past mistakes, with our struggles, is
still a blessing. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-weight: normal;">May we all begin to embrace
that blessing as we continue to grow in our lives.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-weight: normal;">Peace,</span></div>
Kevin A Tothhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00873051463038965433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-666750802784534870.post-44042465513934310902019-02-13T11:02:00.000-06:002019-02-13T11:02:09.078-06:00Tough<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
In late 2014, the day after Thanksgiving, my grandmother
died. She was in a hospice nursing home when my Dad, youngest cousin, and I
went to see her that morning. We quickly realized something was not right. The nurses
came in and shared that she was gone. Everyone was devastated. My Aunt and my
sister later came to the room where we all grieved. I was sitting in a corner,
crying into my hands, when my Dad laid my hands on my shoulder and said, “Not
here. You need to be strong for your Aunt and sister now”. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Have you ever had an experience similar to mine? When you
are hurt, or sad, or grieving, or angry….and you’re told not to feel anything
right now because you need to be “tough”?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I’ve seen this countless time in my young life. Men, who shared
that it’s not appropriate to cry because they need to take care of others. Women,
who shared that some people will make comments like, “oh, women are too
emotional and need to tone it down…”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I find both of these cases to be a great insult upon the
nature of the human being. Our emotions are not a hindrance to our lives, but
a blessing. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Without emotions, how would we know when things matter? How
would we understand what gives things in our lives or even life in general
meaning? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How would we know if something is an act of injustice or not
without our anger?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How would we know if we truly love someone if we are not
able to cry at their loss?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Emotions are what give us life. And I believe they are an
integral part of our identity, the same identity that was formed in our
creation. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And yet, somehow, our cultures, our societies, have taught
the human race that to be a man, you must be tough, you can’t show emotions. To
be a woman, you can show emotion but just don’t be over-dramatic with yourself. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
These lessons, that even I have been taught implicit and explicitly,
have damaged our way of living and I argue have caused so many communities and
individuals a great source of unspoken pain. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For this reason, every time I enter a patient’s room or I
speak with a grieving or angry individual or family, I always remind them, “everything
you are feeling right now, it is okay.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Even at times, it’s a reminder I have to give myself. These
lessons of being pseudo tough don’t die easily. The best reminder for myself is
to remember when Jesus lost his friend, Lazarus, and saw all the people crying,
he too took a moment to cry, to weep. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And it’s not just that the son of God was allowed to release
emotions and so can we. It’s also a subtle reminder of what it means to be
human and to have deep personal connections with others. To feel for them is to
be connected with them. And when we try to block up our emotions, as if they do
not matter, they can become ingrained into our identity to the point that it
can be very difficult to make any more deep emotional connections with anyone
again. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We are called to be in relationship with each other. We are
called to in community with each other. And as much as even I admit that
emotions can be messy, they can be chaotic and yes, emotions are even painful…they
still allow me, allow us, to connect with other people as God intended for us
to be in. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you are a man, who has been taught to be “tough” and not
show emotions; my hope is for you that you can allow yourself grace, to cry and
to grieve as you need to express the pain and loss you are going through. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you are a woman, who has been told you are being, “too
much” with your emotional expressions; my hope is for you that you remember
that no matter how you are expressing those emotions, you are okay. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And may we all be reminded that true toughness is when we
are so in touch with our emotions that we do not hide from them, we do not put
them away, but we embrace them as they are a part of who we are. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Much love, peace, and grace be upon you, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
Kevin A Tothhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00873051463038965433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-666750802784534870.post-83395026701369275192018-12-31T09:53:00.000-06:002018-12-31T09:53:05.398-06:00Transitional Year- 2018 Review<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
When the year, 2018, began, the first thing I did was take a
class called “Transitions in Ministry and Life”. It was a class designed to
help those graduating from seminary better understand how ministry is full of
transitions and how transitions can be very disruptive to our lives if we don’t
know how to make sense of them. It could not be a more fitting class to begin
the year as I would soon find myself in a very transitional year.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I say, “Transitional year”, I mean that your entire
life narrative or a major part of it concludes and is now preparing for the
next chapter in your life story. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Transitions are the in between times from one part of your
narrative to the next part of your narrative. And while that seems simple,
transitions are anything but simple. They are very complicated and honestly
very messy at times. They can be confusing, especially when you have no idea
what the next chapter is going to be. They can be frustrating as you have to
wait until the transition is over, when sometimes you don’t know when it’s
going to be over. And it can seem isolating, especially if the transition
includes a physical change from a place you have known to a new place where you
know no one. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For me, the transition was more than just the conclusion of
a section of my life. It was also the end of a purpose that drove much of my
actions for a good chunk of my life. I had the goal since graduating high
school to get my education: first my Bachelors and then my Masters. Then I had
the goal of becoming an ordained minister. Both goals were met this year, with
great celebration! However, I was not prepared with a new life goal to drive me
forward, which made the rest of the transitional year very confusing,
frustrating, and isolating. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Have you ever gone through a transitional year or perhaps
just moments in your life that felt like a huge transition? It can be very
demanding on our spirits, at least that’s been my experience with transitions
thus far. And I honestly believe that if I had a better spiritual life, the
impact of the transitional year might not have hit me as bad. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The hard, cold fact is that transitions are a factor of
life. We can’t avoid them and honestly, we probably shouldn’t avoid them.
Transitions can be a Divine blessing or whirlwind of chaos in our lives. It all
comes down to how we stabilize ourselves within the transitions, be it through
our spiritual disciplines or through the relationships we commit to or
faith/trust we bring ourselves during times of doubt and confusion. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I can’t say I have the true final answer to how we handle
our transitions, because every transition is different, just as every person’s
life and story is different. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But I do want to offer you this message of hope: If you are
in a transitional period in your life and you are unsure of yourself or if
things will ever get better or if you will ever find your way…You will. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I believe you are going to be okay. It may take a while and
sometimes many life lessons must be learned before you find yourself out of the
confusing transitions in life, but I have hope that you will make it through
and find new growth on the other side. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s a message I must remind myself all the time as well and
I believe am going to have to keep reminding myself as I begin to enter a new year,
full of possibly more transitions and more challenges in my life. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The year of 2018 has brought on many new events, challenges,
and blessings. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I took my last semester at Brite Divinity School, taking
classes such as Transitions in Life and Ministry; Angels and Demons;
Foundations of Preaching; Pastoral care with Grief and Loss; and Supervised
ministry. The transitions class continues in the form of three day retreats
throughout the year and so far, I have gotten to participate in two retreats in
2018. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I continued my work as ministry intern at Ridglea Christian
Church, where I provided ministry to the youth and adults every week. I would
then conclude my ministry with the church in May and expressing my unending
thanks for the many blessings and teachings the church had brought to me over
the last two years. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In May, I graduated from Brite Divinity with my Masters
in Divinity as well as received my certificate for Pastoral Care studies. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At the beginning of May, I sat in on my final Commission on
Ministry meeting where in the end they approved me for ordination. On June 23,
my church families of Wake Forest Christian Church, St. Paul’s Christian
Church, the Region of North Carolina, and even some representatives from
Ridglea Christian Church all gathered together in Raleigh to bestow upon me the
office of ordained ministry and blessed me with the task to minister to all of
God’s children through peace, mercy, compassion, and love. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Before my ordination, I had the sweet joy of traveling to
Pennsylvania and witnessing my youngest cousin, the one whom I remember seeing two days after her birth on my 7<sup>th</sup> birthday, graduate high school. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After my ordination, I began my act of ordained ministry by
having the honor of directing CYF conference at Christmount, having the
pleasure of working beside some of the greatest counselors out there and being
blessed to have Renae Brame be our week keynoter. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Both before and after CYF, I spent my entire summer working
at Christmount, serving with the kitchen staff as well as the front office
staff, assisting with the summer programs until August. During the summer
months, I also had the honor of preaching at various congregations including:
FCC Black Mountain, FCC Fayetteville, and Wake Forest Christian Church. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When the summer ended, I journeyed back to Texas and began
my first ministry placement which was at Methodist Mansfield Medical Center,
working as a Chaplain Resident. This experience has allowed me to expand my
pastoral care skills but has given me insight and wisdom of who I am as a
minister and where God is leading me moving forward. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have also been blessed by having the opportunity to preach
around the Texas region including at: FCC Cleburne, FCC Richland Springs; FCC
Woodson; and Ridglea Christian Church. A sad honor I also participated in was
the memorial service of Don Wisdrofer, a retired minister I knew at Ridglea,
who parted with me his own stoles and much of his wisdom from his ministry before
he passed away. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
All these events, both the wonderful and not so wonderful, I
cherish in my heart because they continue to grow my life forward and hopefully
help me to be a better person every day. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So as we get ready for a new year, a new chapter for all of
us, may we not be afraid of the transitions that we have either gone through,
are going through, or will go through, but have the hope that we will make it
through them and become better on the other side and in the end. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Peace be upon you and may you always love the Ruah that
lives within you. Blessed be.<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />Kevin A Tothhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00873051463038965433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-666750802784534870.post-41260267258000320932018-09-23T14:45:00.001-05:002018-09-23T14:47:15.488-05:00Finding Holy Ground<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<i>“Moses was keeping
flock of his father-in-law Jethro, the priest of Midian; he led his flock
beyond the wilderness, and came to Horeb, the mountain of God. There the angel
of the YHWH appeared to him in a flame of fire out of a bush; he looked, and
the bush was blazing, yet it was not consumed. Then Moses said, “I must turn
aside and look at this great sight and see why the bush is not burned up.” When
the YHWH saw that YHYH had turned aside to see, YHWH called to him out of the
bush, “Moses, Moses!” And Moses said, “Here I am”. Then YHWH said, “come no
closer. Remove the sandals from your feet, for the place on which you are
standing is holy ground.”- Exodus 3:1-5</i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Have you ever stood upon “holy ground” before? What even
makes the ground on which you stand holy? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Holy is often a word we use to describe something that has
been touched by the Divine or is in relation with the Divine or is literally
the Divine. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In this scene with Moses and the burning bush, YHWH speaks to
Moses out of the burning bush and reveals to Moses that the land on which they
are standing is holy ground. I believed that the ground they stood on was holy
simply because of the fact that a bush was burning without being consumed. But
burning bush has nothing to do with the ground being holy. The ground is holy
because God is present within the bush and the ground surrounding the bush. It’s
holy ground because God is there.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So in order to answer the original question, “Have you stood
upon ‘holy ground’? you must ask “where have I felt God before?” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I do believe that there are many places in the world where
God’s presence is more notable. For example, church camp is a common place
where God’s presence is deeply known. Some people might claim church to be a
place they experience God. And many others might experience God outside of
church. And that’s okay!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
However, I wonder is there any place that God’s
presence cannot reside? Thus, is there any place that is not holy?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Honestly, I don’t believe so. God’s presence cannot be taken
away from anyplace, which means, everywhere we go or walk into has the
potential to become holy ground. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So why then did the ground suddenly become holy for Moses? I
think it’s a common interpretation to believe that the ground suddenly became
holy. But maybe. Maybe Moses now became aware of God’s presence in the land and
thus, that awareness is what made the ground holy. Moses recognized God in the
moment and was about to step into holy ground. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But before he could step upon the ground, he was asked to
remove the sandals from his feet. Literally, this command did not make much
sense to me. What was so wrong with Moses wearing his sandals when speaking to
God?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
However, let’s look at the sandals figuratively for a moment
and ask what is really keeping Moses from being present with the Divine on this
holy ground?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The scene that follows is YHWH calling Moses to travel to Egypt
and free the Hebrews from captivity and lead them to more holy grounds. But Moses
refuses several times, stating he is not worthy to do this, he doesn’t have the
ability or the skill. When I see Moses struggle to take on this task presented
to him by God, I then see the real “sandals” for which God asks Moses to remove
from himself so that he may truly be on holy ground. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So now let me ask you, what is keeping you from stepping
into holy ground, to be present with the divine that calls us every day to love
and serve each other?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I am fully aware of one of many sandals that keep me from
being present with God on holy ground: my anxiety. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There are many moments of my life when my anxiety took a
hold of my being and kept me from interacting with others in my life. And while
I can say that I have gotten better at controlling my anxiety, there are still
moments that I must be aware of the anxiety that lives within me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I currently work in a hospital as a Chaplain resident. My
calling is to step into room after room and be present with those who are
suffering from illness, grief, and suffering. The task is anxiety producing on
many levels. And I recognize the presence of that anxiety. I recognize those
sandals on my feet for I know that every room I enter is holy ground. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But I’m sure you might be wondering, if the patient’s rooms
are holy ground, then where is God? How can the ground be holy if God is not
there?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You see, God is there. In the patient laying in their bed.
In the family and friends gathered to visit their loved one. In the nurses and
medical staff tending to the person’s healing. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
God’s presence is everywhere that was touched by creation,
that is touched by the Spirit that is living and breathing in all things. Thus,
every time I meet a new person, no matter who they are, I am also in the
presence of God. And that…that is what makes the ground holy. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s not always easy to be walking on holy ground. Walking
barefoot, removing the ‘sandals’ that keep us safe, keep us comfortable, can
lead us to pain and discomfort. Removing our ‘sandals’ leaves us vulnerable to
the growth and change that God invites us to. To see the imago dei in another
person, to see them as a child of God, and to witness another person’s pain and
troubles- That’s so hard!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But I believe we can do it. I believe we are capable of
looking down at ourselves; reflecting what ‘sandals’ are keeping us from walking
on the holy ground before us, the holy ground that God is calling us to
everyday. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I believe God is calling us all to be present with God and
thus be present with others through love and with love. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As you walk in your journey, may you recognize the presence
of God in your life and recognize God calling you to take a step into holy
ground. And when you begin to see the holy grounds all around you, may you be
brave and remove your ‘sandals’ from your feet, to be present with the Divine
Creator and all that has been created along with you. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Walk with Peace, <o:p></o:p></div>
<br />Kevin A Tothhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00873051463038965433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-666750802784534870.post-75281285512113974522018-07-24T08:54:00.001-05:002018-07-24T08:54:51.840-05:00Church Roadie<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
There have been many things that I have done so far in my
short twenty-five years of life and many people who know me today would believe
the adventures I have had. Except there is one thing that people do tend to be
surprised. I used to be a roadie in a band.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now mind you, it wasn’t a famous band and I didn’t go on
cross country tours, but it was a real band and I travelled with them to
different shows and learned how to set up and take down musical equipment and
sell merchandise on occasion. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The band was the Graffiti Monkeys and it consisted of four
of my good friends from my home church, Wake Forest Christian. For almost two
years, I went with them to different shows and helped out anyway I could, and
they always included me in the events and after show celebrations. Those were
some of the best moments of my life. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
However, it has taken me almost eight years to understand
why being a roadie for the Graffiti Monkeys was so important in my life. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
You see, I wasn’t just a random member of the group. I was
someone who was welcomed and then wanted along in their journey. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Everyone wants to be welcomed, but I’m not sure we talk
enough about how much people just desire to be wanted by others. It’s nice to
feel welcomed but being wanted is the next step in feeling included. You can be
welcomed once into a group or even many times but can still never really feel
included. When you are wanted, that’s not just recognition but confirmation
that the group does truly welcome you and wants you to be a part with them. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I wasn’t just a fan of the Graffiti Monkeys who was welcomed
to their shows. I was a roadie who was wanted to help and celebrate before,
during, and after shows. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I personally find this to be such a huge problem in many of
our churches. I hear so many times from different people that the church as a
whole is dying, and people keep trying to figure out a way to fix this problem.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I can’t say I know how to solve the whole problem, but I can
say at least that we as the church should work on making people feel wanted
when they step through our doors. This includes new people and people who have
been at the church since the start. All people need to feel wanted and this means
all people of different backgrounds, identities, and expressions. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There is this underlying assumption that if a person is made
to feel welcomed once, then they will stick around. It’s why I believe you have
church signs constantly say, “You are welcome”. But never have I seen a church sign
say, “You are wanted”. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We can’t live under the “Welcome Once” assumption anymore. Instead,
we need to extend our welcome into “Wanted Always”. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But how do we make people feel wanted? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well, I would say that you do what the Graffiti Monkeys
unintentionally did for me:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They invited me to all their shows. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They asked for help on certain tasks. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They invited me to celebrate either before or after concerts.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They made me feel like an important and valued member of the
group, even though I was not a musician or played with them on the stage. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My lack of musical talents was not what was important. What
was important is that they allowed me to use what gifts and talents I do have
to be a part of the group. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There is not a limit to the gifts that can be helpful in the
church. Everyone has a part to play and everyone can help serve and love our
neighbors. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Ministry and life has not quota on skills and talents. There
are no limitations in how people can be included into the church or any group
for that matter. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So may we begin to treat people in the church like roadies:
invited to help out in the service of others, feeling included in the fellowships
and celebrations that occur, and embraced with the skills and gifts they were
given by God. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
May all people be made to feel welcomed and wanted in any
group they desire to be a part of. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Peace,<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />Kevin A Tothhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00873051463038965433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-666750802784534870.post-59583496354827847342018-07-05T09:35:00.002-05:002018-07-05T09:35:52.162-05:00Tears are Sacred<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
A little over a week ago, I was ordained as a minister into
the Christian Church (Disciples of Christ). The service was lovely and I was blessed
by everyone who physically and spiritually attended. Once the service was over,
a person came up to me and shared that she was sorry that she was crying. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This moment has stayed with me since then because I keep
thinking, “Why must we be sorry for our tears?” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I understood though why she apologized for her tears. Many times,
tears are seen as a burden on other people. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Both men and women are taught that tears are only
appropriate during exceptional moments (such as when a person has died or at a
funeral). Outside of these moments, tears seem to only place a burden on others.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For example, if I cry, then someone must come and take care
of me. Or my tears might mean I am just seeking attention. These are
assumptions and they only serve to shut up someone’s tears. The reality is that
our tears are the bodies response to the pain and sorrow that needs to be
released and heard. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When a person feels they cannot share their tears, it can be
hurtful and even dangerous. It can transfer into solitude, self-harm, anger,
and even abuse. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I tend to hide my tears from the majority of people in my
life. As a man, I was taught that crying was not a “manly” activity to do. Or
another example is that my tears represent weakness and as a man, I must be
strong and supportive toward others and anything I process must be done in private.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
These implicit teachings have now made it difficult for
myself to cry in front of others. I feel I must apologize for my tears if I do
manage to cry in front of others. Like somehow, my tears are hurting another
human being and I must apologize for crying. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
No matter what reason we may have concerning the nature of
hiding our tears, I want to remind you all that tears are okay. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The understanding that tears can harm another person is
completely false. Tears are not harmful agents. Tears are healing agents. They
are the beginning step for releasing of our emotions. They are the reminders
that our emotions cannot be bottled up if we expect to heal from our sorrow and
pain. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There are many people who look at human emotions as messy,
chaotic features of the human experience. And I agree. Emotions are messy, and
they can be chaotic in people’s lives. But that doesn’t make emotions any less
sacred, if not more sacred for their chaotic natures. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The Divine of my understanding is a being of creation. In
our creation, people are made with human emotions. Thus, human emotions are not
just okay, but are sacred. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The same is true with our tears. Our tears are sacred
because they come from the authentic parts of our soul and were given from the
Divine that seeks for us to be comforted and healed through out pain and sorrow.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To hide our tears is to hide who we are. And no one deserves
to hide the wonderful, beautiful person that you were created to be. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you have been taught that you shouldn’t cry in front of
others or that tears are harmful toward other people, I am so sorry you
experienced those teachings. Because I believe that is not what the Divine of
Love and comfort had in mind when the Divine created you and me. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Tears are okay. It is good to cry in front of people and not
hide them. I look at the power of public laments and witness the crowds crying
together and I see not one person apologizing for their tears. When we come
together to share the emotions on our hearts, we embrace our humanity and that
is sacred. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So as I finish this blog post, I personally take on the
challenge to not apologize for my tears to anyone I cry with or in front of.
Instead of saying, “I’m sorry for my tears”, I now want to say, “Thank you for
witnessing my tears and allowing me to be me in front of you”. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My tears are sacred. Your tears are sacred. Our tears are
sacred. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
May we remember this truth and may we walk in love with our
Ruahs. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Peace,</div>
Kevin A Tothhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00873051463038965433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-666750802784534870.post-5155091869709008352018-06-11T10:16:00.001-05:002018-06-12T18:19:09.754-05:00Proud to Be Me<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Very recently, I was having a conversation with my cousin
about the reboot show, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Queer Eye. </i>As
we both identify as gay males, I assumed that he would have watched the show
and loved it like I did. While he had watched the show, he was not happy with
it to my surprise. He saw the show as too “homo-normative” and seemed to only
represent the stereotypical gay man. This saddened me as that was not the
message I saw from the show. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is true that the five guys on the show portrayed many of
the stereotypical characteristics of gay men such as colorful clothing and flamboyant
gestures. It is also true that as a gay man, I did not relate my personality to
any of the guys as I am much more timid, quiet, and not at all a touchy feely type
of person. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
However, even though I am not like the guys on the show, I
still loved the show for one huge reason. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The entire premise of the show is about being proud of who
you are and not afraid to show who you are to others. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Each guy is different from each other as well. Despite being
gay, none of them talked the same, acted the same, had the same abilities or
passions. But they showed that it is okay to be proud of who you are and to
create the best possible you, by taking care of your hygiene, your living
space, your clothing, your food, and your attitudes in life. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They showed that it is okay to be who you are and to
share who you are with others. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I feel too often, especially in LGBTQIA culture, we see some
people and either implicitly or explicitly say that we love them for who they are
yet tell them they need to tone down who they are in order to belong.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Or on the other extreme, we say a person is not “Gay or
Queer” enough because of their personality differences and life circumstances. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Both of these extremes upsets me because it implies that
there is a standard or a requirement of belonging into the LGBTQIA community. Our
community should be all about inclusion and a space where people of all colors
of the rainbow can come together and feel welcome and belonging, despite how
different we might be from each other. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Sadly though, our community has not grasped this concept
fully. Too many people in the community are racist toward our queer members of
color. And then too many are transphobic or feed into Bi-Erasure or disregard
persons who identify as asexual. The list goes on of the non-inclusion atmosphere
that the LGBTQIA community is currently facing. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
June is the month known as LGBTQIA Pride month, where we can
remember to be Proud of who we are. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But there are no requirements of who gets to be proud and
who doesn’t in our community. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
We should all be proud of who we are, no matter our
differences, no matter what color we shine or who we love or how we gender
identify. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
No matter your identity or how you decide to share your
personality, I am so glad that the world has you in it! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So may we take this month as a reminder to be Proud of who
we are, yet also be Proud of all Queer Persons and celebrate them for who they
are in this world! <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is why Queer Eye is such a beautiful show because they
celebrated the many complexities and personalities that make us human. When I watched
the show, I didn’t think, “Oh, I guess I’m not gay enough because I don’t act
like any of them”. I saw the show and realized, “Wow, I am a wonderful human
being and I am proud to be gay and me”. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So may you be proud of who you are, no matter who you are,
and may you love yourself fully and completely and celebrate the fearfully and
wonderfully made person that you are!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Peace,</div>
Kevin A Tothhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00873051463038965433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-666750802784534870.post-11380150273308061392018-05-25T08:00:00.000-05:002018-05-25T08:00:07.864-05:00What has happened to random kindness?<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
“Be brave because you
are a child of God.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
Be kind because
everyone else is too.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
A few weeks ago, I was selling some of my books at a Half
Price Books store. While waiting to see how much my books were worth, I noticed
a woman struggling to get something from the top shelf. Since I was tall, I
knew my “skills” would come in handy and I assisted her. She was grateful for
my actions and it sparked a friendly conversation. About a half hour later
though, when I was checking out, she was in line ahead of me and made the
comment, “Oh! I thought you worked here!” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It was an honest mistake, but one that made me think: Why
did she assume I was an employee instead of a person just helping another
person?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I made the realization that she assumed I was an employee
because an employee is required to assist their customers. A random person has
no requirement but has a choice. And the woman was surprised because I made a
choice that does not typically happen anymore. I chose to see the woman and
show love in that moment. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To see another human being seems easy. I mean we see people
all the time: at work, at school, on the street, on tv; everywhere we go, there
are just other people to see. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But are we really noticing the other people we see with our
eyes? Our eyes typically notice more things than we ever realize. Often times,
its our brain that tends to miss details. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
However, this isn’t just what our brains might miss when we
see, but what our heart misses as well. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When we are born, we are created with an incredible power…the
power to love. With that power, comes the ability to see the Divine and the Human
in all persons. To see another person with gifts and flaws. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Despite the fact that we have this power, the choice to use
it is rarely seen in our world. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And it’s understandable. It’s hard to love. It’s hard to see
another human being when we have so many responsibilities running through our
minds, distracting us from what can be right in front of us. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And then there could be fears, fear of loving someone and
not being loved back. Showing kindness toward others and not fairly being the recipient
of that same love. It’s a real fear that too often happens in our world as
well. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There are many reasons why love can be hard, and I am still
learning to see the other person and love them for who they are. I am far from
perfect. In order to learn, I look upon those who are making a difference in
our world through their kindness and love.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My first semester in
divinity school, my friends and I were driving over for a gettogether. On our
way, I noticed a woman sitting on the side of the street with all her belongings.
My heart felt sad for the woman. Before I knew it, we were pulling into a
Walgreens next to where the woman was sitting. My friend, Stephen, felt
compassion for the woman and decided to go speak with her. In their
conversations, he found out that all she wanted was to sell her drawings. She
wasn’t asking for pity, but just for someone to see her and appreciate her gift
of art. Stephen bought her drawing and ironically, it was the image of an eye. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I find this picture to be ironic because it represents that he
had seen her as a child of God and as a human being. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It takes a lot of work to see and love someone, even if it
is a person that we know. It takes time, it takes effort, it takes listening,
and most importantly, it takes dropping what we think we know and simply being
present. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Too often, we see people based on appearances or assumed
identities. To love another means dropping what we think we know and take the
time to hear who that person is. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is a challenge for me and I offer this challenge for
you as well: To see a person fully as they are and show random kindness to all
persons that we meet. Not out of requirements, but as genuine care for the
other person. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Who knows? Maybe if all persons lived into this challenge,
the world might not be as scary a place to live in sometimes? <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To love in a world that seems to be filled with hate is especially
difficult. I like to believe that love and random kindness is like a ripple in
the water. It can spread and influence other people’s lives and give them the
opportunity to also create their own ripple that helps others and influences
others. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is my hope for the world: to create ripples that reach
everyone I meet and help others to create ripples of their own. To show random
kindness and love to everyone we meet. May it be so. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
May your heart and Ruah be receivers and givers of love, <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Peace.</div>
Kevin A Tothhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00873051463038965433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-666750802784534870.post-40412509989706602092018-03-26T13:33:00.000-05:002018-03-26T13:33:00.830-05:00Holy Week Reflections: Dark Night of the Soul<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">While this is a
reflection on Holy Week, I also devote this reflection to Rev. Jamie Brame, who
not only is an influential minister in my life, but has acted as my spiritual
mentor, Supervisor, and a close personal friend for many years. Jamie has
served as Program Director (previously Church Relations Director) of
Christmount for over 25 years. He has been a spiritual guide for several
generations of campers that have come to Christmount for camp and I honored to
say that I was one of those campers. His wisdom has helped me during difficult
times and may they do the same for you as well. <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the gospels of the New Testament, there are several
scriptures in which describe Jesus, before his arrest and betrayal, went to the
Garden of Gethsemane and prayed. Jesus prayed all the time. He prayed with his
Disciples, he prayed in the community, and I’m sure he even prayed with his
enemies. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But this prayer was different. In this prayer, we find
Jesus, disturbed in Spirit and heavy with the burden that is about to happen. In
the garden, Jesus flat out tells God, “Remove this cup, this burden from me,
yet not my will but your will be done”. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This is such a powerful prayer!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It is a prayer that is intimate. It is a prayer that is
honest. It is a prayer that is comforting. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The scene in the garden reminds me that even the Son of God
experienced a Dark Night of the soul. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now don’t let the name fool you. A dark night is not always
something that occurs within a few hours or a day. A dark night of the soul can
last for weeks, months, and even years. We experience a dark night of the soul
when our spirits, the very core of our beings feels lost, disconnected,
confused, or even separated from the God that loves us. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
To experience a dark night of the soul is not a pleasant
process. Many people often suffer from these dark nights and struggle to
recover. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Even Jesus had his dark night of the soul. And we see that
in his moment of despair, in his night of eventual betrayal and death, Jesus
decides the appropriate response is to pray. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jesus was no stranger to prayers. Jesus knew the ancient
psalms of his ancestors. He knew how to meditate and speak to God like a
parent, like his Abba. Jesus was a spiritual master. So this prayer in the
garden was not something he did all of a sudden. Jesus already had a long
history of praying and being open and honest with God. This history is
important because it helps us to know that our dark night of the soul cannot be
solved just by a single prayer, but by praying unceasingly throughout our life.
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One of my spiritual homes on this earth is Christmount
Christian Assembly at Black Mountain, NC. Not only do I feel at home within the
mountains, but Christmount has always had a long history of embracing and
teaching spirituality. The main reason is because of the Rev. Jamie Brame. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Jamie Brame not only serves as Program Director at
Christmount, but for over 20 years, he has directed and keynoted the CYF
Conference for high school campers. While each camp is different to be sure, we
were always taught how important our spiritual lives matter. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
One of the many lessons Jamie taught me while at Christmount
was how spirituality is like physical exercise. When you exercise, you start
out small and short. You begin with a 10 minute walk, or 5lbs weights. Then you
move up to a 30 minute walk or 10lbs weights. You gradually increase your
exercise practice, which takes both time and energy. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The same is true for spiritual disciplines and prayer. Jamie
always tells a story about taking his youth group back when he was in college
to a monk monastery. Jamie visited the monastery and had been very good friends
with many of the monks there. One of the monks was speaking to his youth and
one had asked, “How long do I need to pray every day?” The monk answered, “three
minutes”. The wisdom from this answer is not only that you devote yourself to a
task of daily praying, but when you start your prayers small, you can later
increase your prayers much like you would if you were exercising. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As you begin your prayers as simple and small, you allow
them to gradually grow. You can begin with the simple Jesus prayer in which you
say, “Have mercy on me, a sinner, yet one whom you love”. Or pray for someone
else by simply saying a person’s name and having faith that God is already at
work within that person’s life and doesn’t need to know all the details of
their situation. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How you pray is between you and God. The way we pray is
remembering that love is at the core of our relationship with the Creator. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When we are in our dark night of the soul, love seems
distant or even gone. We may not even be aware that God is still present during
these dark nights. That’s where spiritual discipline and prayer comes in. If we
start praying now and pray every day, even if its three minutes a day, then
when the dark night of the soul enters our lives, we are able to endure the
night. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The dark nights don’t get easier. Jesus still suffered and
died. But Jesus was able to realize that he was not alone in his suffering. God
was still there, accompanying him to his last breath. When Jesus says, “not my
will, but your will”, Jesus is not resigning himself to suffer, because Jesus knows
God is not a divine being that enjoys our suffering. Instead, Jesus is putting
all of his trust in God to not leave him during his darkest moments. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Prayer takes trust. Trust in the God that loves and cares
for us. It may make prayer more difficult. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
However, as a person who has experienced my own share of the
dark night of the soul, I have both experienced moments where I had no
spiritual disciplines and a few spiritual disciplines. The nights I had the
comfort of prayer after days of feeling lost and confused were more comforting
than when I had no prayer at all. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So as we enter this Holy Week, may we look upon Jesus in the
garden of Gethsemane, praying to his Abba openly and honestly. May we learn
what it means to pray everyday so that when we are in our own dark night of the
soul, we may have the comfort of a God who is present during our darkest
moments. And may we have the courage to put our trust in God: “Not my will, but
your will be done”. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Peace,</div>
Kevin A Tothhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00873051463038965433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-666750802784534870.post-3996888291634391192018-01-12T09:58:00.000-06:002018-01-12T09:58:20.474-06:00God is Love<div class="MsoNormal">
<i>This is the first of
my series on what I have learned from ministers in my life and how these
ministers have influenced and shaped my ministerial identity. I met Rev. Jay
Deskins in 2010 when I was a camper at Christmount. I later worked under Jay
for two summers at Christmount as part of the camp staff. Jay is a wonderful
minister with a great passion for youth and I consider him not only a
ministerial role model but a great friend. I thank him for the influence he’s
had on my life. <o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It was the summer of 2010. A wonderful summer for many
reasons. One of the biggest reasons was the week I spent at Christmount’s CYF
Conference. I never did camp at Christmount before this year, so my soul was
curious and anxious. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But I wasn’t anxious because I was going to camp. At this
point, I was getting used to camp life and had also done a week at Camp
Caroline the week before. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My anxiety came from a faith crisis I was struggling with at
the time.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In 2008, I took an elective course in High school called
“Religions of the World: The Bible in History”. The course taught me both
biblical history as well as the five major religions of the world: Hinduism,
Buddhism, Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. It was the first time I had direct learning
about the world’s other religions and after that class was over, I grew a
greater appreciation for learning about how other faith’s traditions view and
interact with the world. This course even encouraged me to pursue a Religious
Studies degree in college. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
However, between that class and the CYF Conference at
Christmount, I learned, either directly or indirectly, that some Christian
theologies and interpretations of biblical scriptures reject other religions
and even state that if someone does not believe in Christ, then they will go to
hell. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
This disturbed me greatly. While I proclaimed myself as a
follower of Christ, I was not comfortable with the fact of God banishing people
to hell simply for having a different belief. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For a long time, I was not sure what to believe about the
faith I choose to follow. Should I just accept this “fact” and go on for my
life? Should I renounce my membership in the Christian church? I had no idea
what to do nor did I have the language to understand my inner frustrations
around this eschatological question. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So I went to Christmount in June with these questions and
anxiety and left with my understanding of God restored. How you may ask? To be
honest, there were so many wonderful things that happened that week of camp,
but one of them came from one man: Jay Deskins. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I never knew Jay before that week, but he was both my small
group leader and cabin counselor. I could tell Jay had a wild and fun side
about him, but there was much wisdom and spirituality as well. For example,
while we had fun and played games in our small group, we always began with
prayer and always ended with prayer. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And it was Jay who helped me with my faith dilemma that
week. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Every night, the entire camp would create a circle of chairs
in Aldridge hall. Throughout the week, campers were encouraged if they had any
God, faith, or life question to anonymously write it and put it in the
“Question box”. Then right before worship, a counselor or director would read
the question and the entire camp would discuss it. No matter what the question
or the camper’s beliefs about that question, the discussions were always civil
and respectful. We called these moments as “God Talks”. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well, I was brave enough to write my question. I don’t
remember what most of the people said, but I will always remember what Jay
said. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“I cannot believe in an all loving God that will send any of
his children to hell”. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
His statement hit me like a pound of bricks. And I knew
instantly that Jay was right. I do believe in an all loving God. And I do
believe that God, being the divine source of love in our universe, is not a God
who seeks punishment against non-believers of Christianity. At least that is
the God I choose to believe in. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Since that God talk, I have shaped my ministry around God’s
eternal love for all of God’s children and I know the rest of my ministry will
always believe that God is love. No matter who you are or what you believe. You
are loved, because God loves you. <o:p></o:p></div>
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May this story help you remember that God is love and give
you a similar hope that I received when I heard this message from the amazing
Jay Deskins many years ago. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br />
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Peace, <o:p></o:p></div>
Kevin A Tothhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00873051463038965433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-666750802784534870.post-78912022408163288572017-12-31T08:07:00.000-06:002017-12-31T08:07:13.367-06:00"Good Old Days"<div class="MsoNormal">
It was about month ago that I was driving home from work one
day. It’s about a thirty-minute drive and I decided to have the radio on. Typically,
I listen to the country music station, but this day, I decided to listen to an
alternative rock station. The song that came on was “Good Old Days” by
Macklemore and featuring Kesha. Full disclaimer, I’m not a hip hop or rap fan.
It’s two of my least favorite musical genres. But for some reason, I decided to
listen to the song all the way through and it became one of my favorite songs. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The morals of the song are that don’t let the good days pass
you by and that no matter where we are in life, we are always going to miss a
part of our past. There is one line in the chorus that particularly struck me,
as it affects where I am in my life right now: “Someday soon your whole life is
going to change, you’ll miss the magic of these good old days”. <o:p></o:p></div>
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2017 was a good year. I would even put it under the “Good
old days” category later in life, along with my time at Barton College, working
with the RCYW, ancient family holiday traditions, and growing up at Wake Forest
Christian Church. And I know that come next year, my life will change. <o:p></o:p></div>
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2018 will be full of changes. I’ll graduate with my Masters.
I’ll be ordained as a minister. I will be working full time and no longer be a
student. And these are only the changes I am aware of. <o:p></o:p></div>
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As I wonder how much my life will change just around the
corner, it makes me reflect on the “good old days” of just this past year. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I took ten different classes at Brite Divinity this year
including: Pastoral care within the congregation, pastoral care as a response
to aging, interpreting the Hebrew bible, history of Christian ethics, Christian
worship, narrative pastoral counseling, Christian Church Disciples of Christ,
Supervised ministry I, exegesis on the book of Job, and Christian theology of
religions. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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In the Spring and the Fall, I continued my work as the
ministry intern at Ridglea Christian Church. At Ridglea, I lead several Sunday
schools, youth groups, and even a few adult classes. I assisted with three
funerals. I preached four times, including a Stewardship and Advent type
sermon. I visited people in the hospital and nursing homes. I assisted people
who were struggling with homelessness. And I even had the opportunity to lead
an entire worship service as the acting ministerial figure in April.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I counseled my first JYF retreat in January, the first
annual autism retreat in October, and the Chi-Rho fall retreat in November all
at Disciples Crossing camp. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I took on a part time job at a private organization called
Valet Waste, in which my position required that I collect trash from people’s
apartments to local trash dumpsters. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I moved from my apartment in Fort Worth and into a new
apartment in Arlington with my good friend Stephen. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I watched my best friend, Mary, walk across the Barton
College stage and achieve her Bachelors in Religious Studies (with the Greek
language) and Math.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I had one of the most interesting summer experience as I
worked for the first time at UNC Rex Hospital in Raleigh, NC as an Intern
Chaplain. My time as a Chaplain required to me to think critically about not
only my theory but my practice of providing care for patients, family, and
staff who are entering some of the hardest moments in their life. Not only
that, but my time as a Chaplain required that I learn more about who I am and
my identity as a future minister. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I entered into a relationship with my boyfriend, Charlie,
and the times we have shared together have been some of the best moments of my
life thus far. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I had my third meeting with the Commission on Ministry in
North Carolina, in which I am now one more meeting away from being approved for
Ordination. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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I enjoyed many memorable moments with my friends in
seminary, including but not limited to: Halloween party, Friendsgiving,
Squadmas, and game nights.<o:p></o:p></div>
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And I ended the year by watching my good friend Josh marry
his husband Andrew. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The approaching new year tends to make us think about all
that’s happened this past year. And sometimes, we often regret that those
memories are now gone. That’s why we call them “good old days”. <o:p></o:p></div>
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While the moments we experienced this year are now past,
that doesn’t mean our “good old days” are now gone. I affirm that many good old
days are ahead of us. And it’s when we spend too much time thinking about our
past, that we can easily miss what we have right in front of us. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I will admit, though there were plenty of moments this year
that I loved, there are just as many moments I missed. I don’t want to enter
the 2018 year missing more moments and spending time regretting that I missed
them later. <o:p></o:p></div>
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So as we enter the 2018 year, may you embrace all the new
good old day moments that appear in front of you. Take the time to be with
friends, enjoy the flowers so to speak, and make each day a new memorable
moment in your life. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<br />
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May your being be filled with Peace, Love, and your entire
Ruah. <o:p></o:p></div>
Kevin A Tothhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00873051463038965433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-666750802784534870.post-20015978283658551212017-11-01T07:27:00.002-05:002017-11-03T12:32:11.884-05:00I'm a Survivor<div class="MsoNormal">
I was driving down the road one day and had the radio on. I
typically listen to a local country station, one that played both new hits and older
hits as well. I was surprised to hear a song that I had not heard in a very
long time, but a song that I love dearly. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Reba McEntire’s, “I’m a Survivor”. <o:p></o:p></div>
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For those who have not heard this song, I highly recommend that you take a moment to listen to it. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The song describes a woman’s struggle throughout her life
and despite the struggles she had since childbirth and raising children, she
describes herself as a survivor. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Whenever I think of this song, I think of my mother. The
woman in the song and my mother led two different narratives, two different lives, but I
can say without a doubt, that my mother is a survivor. <o:p></o:p></div>
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My mother was the youngest of five children, one of whom did
not survive childbirth. She was a rebellious teenager, but had compassion for
the world. She struggled with her own form of depression, which almost claimed
her life through suicide. But through Divine intervention, she survived her
suicide and depression. She married an abusive man and helped raise his
children before having her first child (my sister). A few years after their
divorce, my mother discovered that her daughter was being sexually abused by
her ex-husband, which haunted her for many years. My mother lost her second
child through miscarriage and was forced to give up her third child because of
her father’s racist attitudes. She then bore her fourth and last child (me) who
was diagnosed on the Autism spectrum and needed additional support and
attention throughout childhood. <o:p></o:p></div>
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During all this, she worked several hard-working jobs, many at the same time. She finished college with high honors, and would
eventually become the first person in her family to earn her Masters in Special
Education. She worked years working with the mentally differently-abled and those with cerebral palsy. She counseled distraught families and
teenagers and cared for the elderly in a care home. She then taught children on
the Autism Spectrum and was perceived as a saint at Forest Pines Elementary in
Raleigh, North Carolina. <o:p></o:p></div>
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She was stubborn, but had a heart full of love. She cared
for the opposed, especially the young, who needed a voice in this world. She
wanted nothing but the best for all her children and the children who were not
her own. When she re-joined the church, she became a leader in our local
congregation of Wake Forest Christian, especially in her efforts of outreach
and children’s ministry. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Along with her emotional baggage’s, she also damaged her
back that lasted the rest of her life and suffered from lupus for many years.
Near the end of her life, she suffered from Gastro-cancer, which would take her
life. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The world truly lost a Saint on November 3<sup>rd</sup>,
2011. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Despite my mother’s death….My mother is still a survivor. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Often, the word survivor implies a person who has overcome
death or an event that threatens life. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I don’t agree with this implicit definition. <o:p></o:p></div>
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For me, a survivor is someone who has overcome one, if not
more, obstacles in life, and has not relinquished their humanity. <o:p></o:p></div>
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The song describes a woman’s struggle to work two jobs,
raise kids, and deal with a recent divorce. The author of the song knows about
the obstacles of life. But despite these obstacles, the author says the woman
has “gentle hands and the heart of a fighter”. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Too often, it seems like a better choice to go through
life’s obstacles with bitterness, instead of gentleness. Now, I can’t judge
anyone’s bitterness. I have not lived their life and I have not faced their
struggles. <o:p></o:p></div>
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But I would like to ask: Is it hard to carry that burden of
bitterness? It almost seems like bitterness becomes just another obstacle to
overcome in life while trying to overcome all the other obstacles we face. <o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
However, being bitter is very different from having anger during your struggles.</div>
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Anger is a necessary emotion. It is the emotion in the body
that informs us that something is wrong and needs some form of correction. This
includes the need for resolution, expression of hurt or grief, and even justice
seeking. <o:p></o:p></div>
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While anger is necessary, it is not without caution. Anger
can lead us to causing harm toward other people and even ourselves. But it is
not the emotion of anger that causes harm, but the choices we make in the midst
of our anger. <o:p></o:p></div>
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My mother was not without anger. She had every right to be
angry. Her first husband abused her daughter. She lost both her second and
third child through death and separation. She lost her oldest sister and father
to death. She suffered from lupus. These are only a few out of many reasons for
my mother’s anger. <o:p></o:p></div>
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And I don’t blame my mother for being angry. <o:p></o:p></div>
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But I don’t believe that my mother was a bitter woman. My
mother, while stubborn and stern at times, was also gentle and kind as well.
She knew how to fight, but was not embittered from her struggles. Even during the
last months of my mother’s life, as she laid in the hospital bed with a lot of
pain, she made sure everyone else was being taken care of, even the nurses who
were there to take care of her. <o:p></o:p></div>
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My mother is a survivor. <o:p></o:p></div>
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And because of my mother, I am a survivor as well. <o:p></o:p></div>
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My mother’s life, my mother’s struggles and how she overcame
her struggles not only gave me the support to overcome my own struggles, but
taught me how to overcome future struggles as well. <o:p></o:p></div>
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That is what survivors do. They teach us how to survive,
with love and compassion and not with bitterness.<o:p></o:p></div>
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So I invite you to take a moment to recognize the survivors
who are in your life. And how they are teaching you to be a survivor as well. <o:p></o:p></div>
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And once you recognize your survivors, take a moment to thank
them. Not only for their survival, but for teaching you how to survive as well.
<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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And perhaps, once we recognize and express gratitude, we can
begin to teach those who are struggling in their own obstacles. <o:p></o:p></div>
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This is my hope for you and for me as well. <o:p></o:p></div>
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May you walk with your truth, your story, and your Ruah
always. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Peace, <o:p></o:p></div>
Kevin A Tothhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00873051463038965433noreply@blogger.com0