I'm sure the majority of us have a mixed bag of emotions that we are carrying in both our hands tonight. Ten years is a long time and maybe the previous decade has not been very kind. Or perhaps it's been nothing but blessings! Or maybe it's a mixture of both. I know mine has been a filled with wonderful, terrible, fantastic, awful, joyous, tiresome, sacred, mundane, and everything in between.
As I looked back upon my last ten years, it's almost overwhelming just how much has happened in my life.
[If you are already know my story, you can skip the next two paragraphs]
The decade began while I was a senior in high school: attending my home church in Wake Forest, North Carolina- being a roadee for my friend's band- going to Camp Caroline and Christmount for the first time- being a youth leader in RCYW- being more aware to my call to ministry- and eventually graduating high school.
The decade started off on a great start, but it didn't last long, for not too long after that, I went through a maelstrom of changes in my life (adulthood will do that to a person) and lost my mother, my main guide and supporter in life. Looking back, it's hard to imagine how I not only recovered from my loss, but grew, for I then started attending Barton College- getting involved in various organizations on campus- met and made life long friends including but not limited to Mary, Leighanne, Cristian, and Aaron. I even got to do my first international trip to Haiti, and travel to New York, Washington, DC, Nashville, Lexington, and Indianapolis. I stepped closer to my ministerial calling by working on the campus religious life office, FCC Wilson and St. Paul's Christian Church, RCYW adult team, and Christmount and Camp Caroline summer staffs. I even had the courage to come out of the closet as a gay man. Those college years were hard and tough, but they were some of the best years I spent and in the end, it all paid off with a Bachelors in Religious Studies and History.
And then the middle of the decade would be a huge shift in my life. Accepting my ministerial calling, I had the courage to move to Texas all alone, pursing my Masters at Brite Divinity School. I am thankful that now I can say I am not alone and have made such close friends including, but not limited to Charlie, Logan, Joey, Matthew, Nick, Tyler, Stephen, Keith, and Nathan. I even expanded my ministry experience by being the camp staff director at Christmount, ministry intern at Ridglea Christian Church, and CPE chaplain intern at UNC Rex. The three years were tough, mentally, emotionally, and even physically, but in the end, they too allowed me to achieve my masters and ordination in the Disciples of Christ.
And finally this final year in the decade, I realized that there is still a lot of growing to do. I spent the entirety of this year serving as a Chaplain Resident at Methodist Mansfield Medical Center, providing spiritual care and support to those sick, suffering, dying, and grieving. I supported my dear friends Leighanne, Matthew, Logan, and Joey as they celebrated their many achievements in their own lives, Directed CYF Conference at Christmount, and recently began my training as a Reiki Practitioner.
It's been a long decade, with ups and downs and everything in between. Yet the one question that keeps popping into my head today is, "What am I leaving behind and what am I taking with me?"
I think it's an important question, not just for me but for many of us. What are we leaving behind? And What are we taking with us?
I think its easy to say that we will be leaving behind all the negative things and taking with us only the positives. However, as for myself, I don't think that is something I am going to do. For there are many things that are negative in my life that I must take with me if I am going to grow from them. And there are some positive memories that I know I must leave behind, or thus I risk only looking at all those things I admire in the past and loose hope for anymore good for the future.
So this is my answer as to what I'm leaving behind in the 2010s and what I'm taking with me in the 2020s.
I am leaving behind my fears of failure and rejection- for those no do not serve me well. This past decade has taught me that I am no failure and being myself will not lead to people rejecting my presence. And I leave behind guilt and shame for the past mistakes I have made; along with my accomplishments that I've made thus far, for the life journey is not at it's end, but only beginning.
What I am taking with me is my grieves, for they are a part of my life story and help me to serve those who are grieving now. I also am taking the love and relationships that I have made thus far and also my hope for a brighter future for all people.
So, my friends, before the new decade begins, how will you exit the past ten years and how will you enter the next ten years to come?
May your answers bring you life, love, and much peace!
