Exit and Enter- Decade Review

It's almost here! A new decade in the world and in our lives is almost upon us!

I'm sure the majority of us have a mixed bag of emotions that we are carrying in both our hands tonight. Ten years is a long time and maybe the previous decade has not been very kind. Or perhaps it's been nothing but blessings! Or maybe it's a mixture of both. I know mine has been a filled with wonderful, terrible, fantastic, awful, joyous, tiresome, sacred, mundane, and everything in between.

As I looked back upon my last ten years, it's almost overwhelming just how much has happened in my life.

[If you are already know my story, you can skip the next two paragraphs]
The decade began while I was a senior in high school: attending my home church in Wake Forest, North Carolina- being a roadee for my friend's band- going to Camp Caroline and Christmount for the first time- being a youth leader in RCYW- being more aware to my call to ministry- and eventually graduating high school.
The decade started off on a great start, but it didn't last long, for not too long after that, I went through a maelstrom of changes in my life (adulthood will do that to a person) and lost my mother, my main guide and supporter in life. Looking back, it's hard to imagine how I not only recovered from my loss, but grew, for I then started attending Barton College- getting involved in various organizations on campus- met and made life long friends including but not limited to Mary, Leighanne, Cristian, and Aaron. I even got to do my first international trip to Haiti, and travel to New York, Washington, DC, Nashville, Lexington, and Indianapolis. I stepped closer to my ministerial calling by working on the campus religious life office, FCC Wilson and St. Paul's Christian Church, RCYW adult team, and Christmount and Camp Caroline summer staffs. I even had the courage to come out of the closet as a gay man. Those college years were hard and tough, but they were some of the best years I spent and in the end, it all paid off with a Bachelors in Religious Studies and History.
And then the middle of the decade would be a huge shift in my life. Accepting my ministerial calling, I had the courage to move to Texas all alone, pursing my Masters at Brite Divinity School. I am thankful that now I can say I am not alone and have made such close friends including, but not limited to Charlie, Logan, Joey, Matthew, Nick, Tyler, Stephen, Keith, and Nathan. I even expanded my ministry experience by being the camp staff director at Christmount, ministry intern at Ridglea Christian Church, and CPE chaplain intern at UNC Rex. The three years were tough, mentally, emotionally, and even physically, but in the end, they too allowed me to achieve my masters and ordination in the Disciples of Christ.

And finally this final year in the decade, I realized that there is still a lot of growing to do. I spent the entirety of this year serving as a Chaplain Resident at Methodist Mansfield Medical Center, providing spiritual care and support to those sick, suffering, dying, and grieving. I supported my dear friends Leighanne, Matthew, Logan, and Joey as they celebrated their many achievements in their own lives, Directed CYF Conference at Christmount, and recently began my training as a Reiki Practitioner.

It's been a long decade, with ups and downs and everything in between. Yet the one question that keeps popping into my head today  is, "What am I leaving behind and what am I taking with me?"

I think it's an important question, not just for me but for many of us. What are we leaving behind? And What are we taking with us?

I think its easy to say that we will be leaving behind all the negative things and taking with us only the positives. However, as for myself, I don't think that is something I am going to do. For there are many things that are negative in my life that I must take with me if I am going to grow from them. And there are some positive memories that I know I must leave behind, or thus I risk only looking at all those things I admire in the past and loose hope for anymore good for the future.

So this is my answer as to what I'm leaving behind in the 2010s and what I'm taking with me in the 2020s.

I am leaving behind my fears of failure and rejection- for those no do not serve me well. This past decade has taught me that I am no failure and being myself will not lead to people rejecting my presence. And I leave behind guilt and shame for the past mistakes I have made; along with my accomplishments that I've made thus far, for the life journey is not at it's end, but only beginning.

What I am taking with me is my grieves, for they are a part of my life story and help me to serve those who are grieving now. I also am taking the love and relationships that I have made thus far and also my hope for a brighter future for all people.

So, my friends, before the new decade begins, how will you exit the past ten years and how will you enter the next ten years to come?

May your answers bring you life, love, and much peace!

Ordination Anniversary: Affirmations

It seems almost unreal that a year ago today, I was ordained into Christian ministry at St. Paul’s Christian church through my sponsoring home church, Wake Forest Christian Church. There are so many to thank for their support, prayers, guidance, and care that helped me to reach ordination:

My Family

Wake Forest Christian Church

RCYW: Mentors and Peers

First Christian Church of Wilson

St. Paul’s Christian Church

Ridglea Christian Church

Camp Caroline

Christmount Assembly

Ridglea Christian Church

UNC Rex Healthcare

Barton College teachers, peers, and close friends

Brite Divinity School teachers, peers, and close friends

Regions of North Carolina and Southwest

All the ministers and lay persons who participated and came to my ordination service

And of course, my Mother’s Spirit

I reflected during my ordination that the calling I received from God is a scary one. And I still affirm this statement. To do God’s work: to love, to care, to support, and advocate for those suffering and marginalized around us is not easy work, especially in a world that does not make it any easier. The fear that I expressed a year ago is still with me. Yet despite this fear, I still am walking the road set before me by God’s eternal Spirit. I will walk with my fears and trust in the Divine of my understanding that no matter what paths I am being called to walk, I will not be alone and my Ruah will give me the strength to do what God has called me to do on this earth.

This ordained year, I served primarily as a Chaplain Resident at Methodist Mansfield Medical Center. The experiences I gained through this ministry will benefit me for a lifetime and I will cherish the connections I made thus far. In addition to my work at the hospital, I also had the opportunity to preach at several churches both in North Carolina and Southwest Region, as well as serve as the CYF Conference director at Christmount.

From this past ordained year, I’d like to thank the following persons for allowing me to be a part of their ministries and for offering me support on my journey thus far.

Methodist Health System: Pastoral Care Department

First Christian Church, Fayetteville NC

First Christian Church, Black Mountain NC

Wake Forest Christian Church

First Christian Church, Woodson TX

First Christian Church, Cleburne TX

Richland Springs Christian Church

Ridglea Christian Church

Christmount Assembly

CYF Campers, Counselors, and Camp Staff, (Christmount 2018)

North Carolina and Southwest Regions

My Transitions in Ministry group

Disciples Chaplain Association

Close Friends and Ministry Colleagues

And in memory of Rev. Don Wirsdrofer.

May this coming year bring forth many more blessings and opportunities to share the love of God with other people and experience the grace and presence of the Spirit in all of the Spirits many beautiful forms and ways.

Peace,

Easter Reflection

Happy Easter Everyone. Once again, Christians around the world celebrate the return of Christ from the grave and how death could not be beaten by God’s Son.

However, I feel I must ask: Is it really death that Christ beat three days after being nailed to the cross?

I feel death unfairly gets demonized in Christianity. As if it is our real enemy in life. And that when Christ came to our world, he came to defeat death. I do not believe this is the reason Christ came to our world and I certainly do not believe death is our enemy.

Death is a part of life. An unfortunate part of life. But one that is a part of our creations. We Christians remember that fact every year on Ash Wednesday, to remember that we come from the dust and to dust, we shall return. We are fragile, finite beings, continuously changing and growing till we take our last breathes.

I understand though, why many fear death and why many view death as the enemy. I see it every week at the hospital. I’m called to every death that occurs, to see the family grieving their loss and beginning the next steps of understanding how the relationship has changed with the person in the hospital bed. The pain we feel from losing someone we love dear is unbearable.

We all know that our lives will eventually end. But death is not our enemy.

The real enemy, the one I believe Jesus really defeated on the cross…was injustice and unbearable suffering.

We must remember the reason why Jesus was killed on the cross in the first place. His death was plotted out and because of that, Jesus death can be classified as a murder. Jesus had not committed any crimes nor had he caused another person harm. He showed compassion, care, wisdom, and love to those he met in his ministry. Jesus was a good man. And yet he was killed, at the age of 33, simply because he spoke out against the injustices that were occurring in his communities.

It was injustice that killed Jesus. It was suffering that ended Jesus life. In the end, it was death that at last granted Jesus peace from the pain that he had to endure those final moments.

But as we know, Jesus does return. Three days after his murder, he returns to his disciples and shows the world that he is indeed the victor. But not the victor of death. He was the victor of injustice.

The lesson I choose to take away from Easter, the lesson that we receive from Christ’s resurrection, is that injustice does not have the final say. Discrimination does not have the final say. Unbearable suffering does not have the final say.

And for that, I do celebrate this day.

But let us be mindful in how we celebrate this victory. Because even though Jesus’ death was not in vain, how many others do we know who face injustice in our communities, in our societies?

Where else is the image of Christ, hanging on the cross, being the victim of injustice located before us?

We are all made in the image of God and if indeed Christ is God’s son, then we can assume that we are made in Christ’s image; which means…there are those in our world suffering from their own crosses, unfairly treated and being harmed simply for who they are.

And we do not need to look far to find these crosses:

How about the families on the Mexican border, being separated from each other because they are seeking a better life?

How about in Louisiana, where three African American churches were burned?

How about for our LGBTQ neighbors who constantly face discrimination and constant abuse from the federal and local governments all the time?

How about those who face homelessness and are unable to receive any support from the more economically secure?

We are more aware of the crosses that people suffer upon every day than we realize. And while we are reminded, through Jesus, that injustice and suffering does not have the final say, the choice is up to all of us in how we are going to make sure injustice does not have the final say.

Jesus didn’t just come back to give the world hope that our suffering would not be our end. He came to the disciples, to pass on all that he taught, all his lessons for hope, peace, and love so that all those who follow Christ may continue to fight the true enemy that haunts our lives.

We are all very comfortable only celebrating Easter with egg hunts, worshiping at church, and family gatherings. But let us not end the celebrations on Easter. In fact, let the celebrations continue in the days ahead. However, let us also transform our celebrations by inviting change into our communities. By standing up and with those who live on the margins. By letting those who have been silenced speak their voice. By inviting the ones in pain into our church doors and walk out with them to see the different faces of God we sometimes miss.

Jesus took down one cross and has now empowered us to take down the crosses in our lives today.

I offer this Easter reflection to you. And hope God speaks to you through the words I have written.

May God’s Ruah and Peace Always be with You.

Compare Not

There was once a man who gave up his life to follow a calling. For three years, he traveled far and wide, learning new ways of living, with himself and with others. He was a good devout man, but he made mistakes and one mistake led him to betray a man he loved. Guilt, shame, and grief consumed the man, and even though the man whom he betrayed forgave him, he questioned himself and his calling. He tried to avoid his calling by looking to those around him and compare their callings to his own. The man he betrayed told him, “What is that to YOU? Just follow me.” The man’s name was Peter, the apostle of Jesus.

I look at this narrative and I remember just how easy it is for us to make comparisons in our lives and how such comparisons do not bare such fruit. But it’s not just about comparing one’s self to another person. It goes much deeper at that.

When a comparison is made, there is often the question, “What do they have that I don’t?” The mindset of the question is to focus on our faults, our growing edges, and our struggles. Peter knew he betrayed Jesus by denying him three times after his arrest. He saw his mistakes and claimed those mistakes as his identity. But Jesus told him he was more than his mistakes. He gave Peter a purpose, a way to grow out from his past and into a brighter future.

The danger of comparisons when it comes to our identities is wide spread, even our present age.

In the work place, employees, managers, even ministers, may leave a church or organization for any number of reasons. The grief of losing someone, especially someone we have grown close to can be difficult. Yet life continues on and the position that is now empty remains. I have seen too often when a place is hiring someone new; they compare the possible new person to the person who had just left. And if the new person is not similar enough to the original person, then they might not have the chance to be a part of the organization.

While I understand that allowing someone new, especially if the new person is very different from the person you are still grieving, can be difficult to go through; allowing new people in allows our hearts to grow. It gives us an opportunity to learn from new people, to build new relationships, and to experience new perspectives from new people. This is not to say that organizations and churches must always find someone different from the previous person; however, being open to different types of people, by not comparing them to the original person, is an experience that I believe can be beneficial both on an individual and system basis.

Comparisons are also different on the intimate level too. A break up can happen and when the time to move on occurs, we can easily compare our next relationships with our previous one. There are two spectrums to comparisons here: The person is too similar to the previous person or not similar enough. Seeking similarities in new people halts opportunities for learning, because if we spend our time just looking at how the new person is similar or different from the previous person, then our time is wasted not learning the narrative of the person right in front of you.

When we seek to compare ourselves or other people, we can halt the possibility for change. Change is a scary concept to a lot of people. I too am scared of change. Change is not predictable. We have no idea how change might/will occur in our lives. And changing ourselves can take us out of the safety and comfortably of what we know and don’t know. We spend our whole lives learning and building ourselves up to what we do know. So to be scared of changing is natural and completely okay. But fear should never keep us from allowing ourselves to grow.

And truth be told, we are creatures of change. Our whole lives is built upon change. Our bodies change all the time, from the moment we are born to the last breath we take. Our minds change as we grow in wisdom and knowledge. Even our Spirits change as we can become fuller and more conscious with the Ones that live within us.

Change is inevitable. I am reminded of a metaphor that was taught to me to understand Taoism. Our lives are like a river and sometimes the river is nice and slow while other times the river is fast and deep. To fight against the river is to cause anguish and pain. To become one with the river, with the constant changes that can occur within, grants us peace.

I believe a good step to achieving peace is to let go of our need to make comparisons with others.

I know I spend way too much of my time comparing myself to other people and it makes me wonder how I can become better; as if becoming like another person will make myself better in other people’s lives. When in reality, most people simply want me.

I believe the same is true for you too. Good decent people will want you for yourself. And being oneself, even with our growing edges, with our past mistakes, with our struggles, is still a blessing.

May we all begin to embrace that blessing as we continue to grow in our lives.

Peace,

Tough

In late 2014, the day after Thanksgiving, my grandmother died. She was in a hospice nursing home when my Dad, youngest cousin, and I went to see her that morning. We quickly realized something was not right. The nurses came in and shared that she was gone. Everyone was devastated. My Aunt and my sister later came to the room where we all grieved. I was sitting in a corner, crying into my hands, when my Dad laid my hands on my shoulder and said, “Not here. You need to be strong for your Aunt and sister now”.

Have you ever had an experience similar to mine? When you are hurt, or sad, or grieving, or angry….and you’re told not to feel anything right now because you need to be “tough”?

I’ve seen this countless time in my young life. Men, who shared that it’s not appropriate to cry because they need to take care of others. Women, who shared that some people will make comments like, “oh, women are too emotional and need to tone it down…”

I find both of these cases to be a great insult upon the nature of the human being. Our emotions are not a hindrance to our lives, but a blessing.

Without emotions, how would we know when things matter? How would we understand what gives things in our lives or even life in general meaning?

How would we know if something is an act of injustice or not without our anger?

How would we know if we truly love someone if we are not able to cry at their loss?

Emotions are what give us life. And I believe they are an integral part of our identity, the same identity that was formed in our creation.

And yet, somehow, our cultures, our societies, have taught the human race that to be a man, you must be tough, you can’t show emotions. To be a woman, you can show emotion but just don’t be over-dramatic with yourself.

These lessons, that even I have been taught implicit and explicitly, have damaged our way of living and I argue have caused so many communities and individuals a great source of unspoken pain.

For this reason, every time I enter a patient’s room or I speak with a grieving or angry individual or family, I always remind them, “everything you are feeling right now, it is okay.”

Even at times, it’s a reminder I have to give myself. These lessons of being pseudo tough don’t die easily. The best reminder for myself is to remember when Jesus lost his friend, Lazarus, and saw all the people crying, he too took a moment to cry, to weep.

And it’s not just that the son of God was allowed to release emotions and so can we. It’s also a subtle reminder of what it means to be human and to have deep personal connections with others. To feel for them is to be connected with them. And when we try to block up our emotions, as if they do not matter, they can become ingrained into our identity to the point that it can be very difficult to make any more deep emotional connections with anyone again.

We are called to be in relationship with each other. We are called to in community with each other. And as much as even I admit that emotions can be messy, they can be chaotic and yes, emotions are even painful…they still allow me, allow us, to connect with other people as God intended for us to be in.

If you are a man, who has been taught to be “tough” and not show emotions; my hope is for you that you can allow yourself grace, to cry and to grieve as you need to express the pain and loss you are going through.

If you are a woman, who has been told you are being, “too much” with your emotional expressions; my hope is for you that you remember that no matter how you are expressing those emotions, you are okay.

And may we all be reminded that true toughness is when we are so in touch with our emotions that we do not hide from them, we do not put them away, but we embrace them as they are a part of who we are.

Much love, peace, and grace be upon you,