Compare Not

There was once a man who gave up his life to follow a calling. For three years, he traveled far and wide, learning new ways of living, with himself and with others. He was a good devout man, but he made mistakes and one mistake led him to betray a man he loved. Guilt, shame, and grief consumed the man, and even though the man whom he betrayed forgave him, he questioned himself and his calling. He tried to avoid his calling by looking to those around him and compare their callings to his own. The man he betrayed told him, “What is that to YOU? Just follow me.” The man’s name was Peter, the apostle of Jesus.

I look at this narrative and I remember just how easy it is for us to make comparisons in our lives and how such comparisons do not bare such fruit. But it’s not just about comparing one’s self to another person. It goes much deeper at that.

When a comparison is made, there is often the question, “What do they have that I don’t?” The mindset of the question is to focus on our faults, our growing edges, and our struggles. Peter knew he betrayed Jesus by denying him three times after his arrest. He saw his mistakes and claimed those mistakes as his identity. But Jesus told him he was more than his mistakes. He gave Peter a purpose, a way to grow out from his past and into a brighter future.

The danger of comparisons when it comes to our identities is wide spread, even our present age.

In the work place, employees, managers, even ministers, may leave a church or organization for any number of reasons. The grief of losing someone, especially someone we have grown close to can be difficult. Yet life continues on and the position that is now empty remains. I have seen too often when a place is hiring someone new; they compare the possible new person to the person who had just left. And if the new person is not similar enough to the original person, then they might not have the chance to be a part of the organization.

While I understand that allowing someone new, especially if the new person is very different from the person you are still grieving, can be difficult to go through; allowing new people in allows our hearts to grow. It gives us an opportunity to learn from new people, to build new relationships, and to experience new perspectives from new people. This is not to say that organizations and churches must always find someone different from the previous person; however, being open to different types of people, by not comparing them to the original person, is an experience that I believe can be beneficial both on an individual and system basis.

Comparisons are also different on the intimate level too. A break up can happen and when the time to move on occurs, we can easily compare our next relationships with our previous one. There are two spectrums to comparisons here: The person is too similar to the previous person or not similar enough. Seeking similarities in new people halts opportunities for learning, because if we spend our time just looking at how the new person is similar or different from the previous person, then our time is wasted not learning the narrative of the person right in front of you.

When we seek to compare ourselves or other people, we can halt the possibility for change. Change is a scary concept to a lot of people. I too am scared of change. Change is not predictable. We have no idea how change might/will occur in our lives. And changing ourselves can take us out of the safety and comfortably of what we know and don’t know. We spend our whole lives learning and building ourselves up to what we do know. So to be scared of changing is natural and completely okay. But fear should never keep us from allowing ourselves to grow.

And truth be told, we are creatures of change. Our whole lives is built upon change. Our bodies change all the time, from the moment we are born to the last breath we take. Our minds change as we grow in wisdom and knowledge. Even our Spirits change as we can become fuller and more conscious with the Ones that live within us.

Change is inevitable. I am reminded of a metaphor that was taught to me to understand Taoism. Our lives are like a river and sometimes the river is nice and slow while other times the river is fast and deep. To fight against the river is to cause anguish and pain. To become one with the river, with the constant changes that can occur within, grants us peace.

I believe a good step to achieving peace is to let go of our need to make comparisons with others.

I know I spend way too much of my time comparing myself to other people and it makes me wonder how I can become better; as if becoming like another person will make myself better in other people’s lives. When in reality, most people simply want me.

I believe the same is true for you too. Good decent people will want you for yourself. And being oneself, even with our growing edges, with our past mistakes, with our struggles, is still a blessing.

May we all begin to embrace that blessing as we continue to grow in our lives.

Peace,