Celebrating in a New Way

When the word “Celebration” came up, I used to believe that it only meant a time of rejoicing about something good in the world or in one’s life. For example, many of us celebrate on holidays. Mothers Day being the most convenient example. Throughout Facebook, I see post after post of people celebrating how much they love their mothers and how thankful they are for all the amazing things their mothers have done for them. And I’m rejoicing right alongside them. I’m so thankful so many people have mothers who cared for them and raised them to be the people they are today.

However, I realized today that I am not only celebrating Mother’s Day in thanksgiving for other mothers. I am also celebrating in honor of my mother. But my celebration isn’t 100% joyful or rejoicing. Most of my celebration comes with grief.

I am saddened that I am not able to be physically with my mother both today and the rest of my life. I am saddened that on the many tough days I’ve been experiencing, I’m not able to call my mother on the phone and seek her counsel or hear her tell me things are going to be okay. Today, I am hurt and I am sad.

And yet…I celebrate Mother’s Day.

And I know I am not alone. Mother’s Day is a very complicated holiday. There are many children who have lost their mothers like me. 

But there are also women who have lost children. 

Women who want to conceive but are unable to. 

People who were abandoned by their mothers. 

Women who had no choice but to give their children up. 

People who were abused by their mothers. 

Women who choose not to have children but are critiqued for their choices. 

And now with COVID-19, there are those who grieve not being able to be at their mother’s beside in the hospitals.

Mother’s Day is a day of rejoicing and thanksgiving, but it is also a day of lament, sadness, anger, and even pain.

It’s this reason that I choose no longer to define celebration as a way of expressing rejoice. I see celebration as a time of expression. Expressing the emotions that need to be shared.

You can celebrate by lighting a candle and crying from your pain. You can celebrate by writing a letter of the anger you feel. You can celebrate by remembering good times and not so good times. You can do all of these things or none of these things. The choice is up to you in how you celebrate the multitude of emotions that Mother’s Day and any holiday may have in store for you.

Today, I will cry from my losses. I will give thanks for the women who have been like mothers to me in my life. And I will remember all the memories I did have with my mom and lament possible memories that were lost after she died.

My hope for you is that you take some time today to celebrate anyway you need to. I hope you are able to express your emotions, no matter what they are, and find someone who cares for you enough to never judge you for the emotions you express.

May your Spirit be blessed today and the days ahead,

Blessed Be and Amen.