Celebrating in a New Way

When the word “Celebration” came up, I used to believe that it only meant a time of rejoicing about something good in the world or in one’s life. For example, many of us celebrate on holidays. Mothers Day being the most convenient example. Throughout Facebook, I see post after post of people celebrating how much they love their mothers and how thankful they are for all the amazing things their mothers have done for them. And I’m rejoicing right alongside them. I’m so thankful so many people have mothers who cared for them and raised them to be the people they are today.

However, I realized today that I am not only celebrating Mother’s Day in thanksgiving for other mothers. I am also celebrating in honor of my mother. But my celebration isn’t 100% joyful or rejoicing. Most of my celebration comes with grief.

I am saddened that I am not able to be physically with my mother both today and the rest of my life. I am saddened that on the many tough days I’ve been experiencing, I’m not able to call my mother on the phone and seek her counsel or hear her tell me things are going to be okay. Today, I am hurt and I am sad.

And yet…I celebrate Mother’s Day.

And I know I am not alone. Mother’s Day is a very complicated holiday. There are many children who have lost their mothers like me. 

But there are also women who have lost children. 

Women who want to conceive but are unable to. 

People who were abandoned by their mothers. 

Women who had no choice but to give their children up. 

People who were abused by their mothers. 

Women who choose not to have children but are critiqued for their choices. 

And now with COVID-19, there are those who grieve not being able to be at their mother’s beside in the hospitals.

Mother’s Day is a day of rejoicing and thanksgiving, but it is also a day of lament, sadness, anger, and even pain.

It’s this reason that I choose no longer to define celebration as a way of expressing rejoice. I see celebration as a time of expression. Expressing the emotions that need to be shared.

You can celebrate by lighting a candle and crying from your pain. You can celebrate by writing a letter of the anger you feel. You can celebrate by remembering good times and not so good times. You can do all of these things or none of these things. The choice is up to you in how you celebrate the multitude of emotions that Mother’s Day and any holiday may have in store for you.

Today, I will cry from my losses. I will give thanks for the women who have been like mothers to me in my life. And I will remember all the memories I did have with my mom and lament possible memories that were lost after she died.

My hope for you is that you take some time today to celebrate anyway you need to. I hope you are able to express your emotions, no matter what they are, and find someone who cares for you enough to never judge you for the emotions you express.

May your Spirit be blessed today and the days ahead,

Blessed Be and Amen.

Devotional- Positive Energy

When was the last time you had a positive thought about anything? And how did that positive thought make you feel? 

I feel this pandemic that our world is suffering through has robbed us of many things, including but not limited to positivity. I mean, how can one be positive when people are getting sick and we are forced to isolate from those we love and care for. Its much easier to be negative and upset about the way things are going on in our world.

I found myself in a state of sadness for several days and I started to believe that things were never going to alright again. The negative thoughts made me feel less energized to do anything and I just sat around in my off time feeling miserable. But one day, I decided to walk out on my back porch; the weather was enjoyable, and it was a change of scenery. Its hard to describe how beautiful the sun shined above the sky and made everything in the world seem so much better than what I was feeling. I began to think positively, about just how beautiful the world really was and I started to remember what good things people were doing despite the pandemic. I was beginning to think positively and as a result, I was feeling much better.

There are going to be days when all the negativity of the world around us is going to drain our energy and make us feel miserable. And it’s okay to feel this way. It’s only natural. 

But my hope and prayer is that you don’t let the negativity control your whole life. That you are able to find some positives in the world that will uplift your spirit and give you hope that all will be well again. Its surprising just how many positive things, big and small, that may be surrounding us every day. All we need to do is take a moment and look for them. 

So I ask you again, when was the last time you thought about something positive? And when do you think is it time to begin to think positively again?

May you take some time today to reflect upon these questions. May you not be consumed by negativity but give power to the positive energy that is all around us all the time. And may light and love fill your spirits and grant you hope that one day, all will be well again.

Good Friday Reflections- Are We Forsaken?

Passage from the Book of Psalms: 22: 1-5

            My God, My God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from helping me, from the words of my groaning? O my God, I cry by day, but you do not answer; and by night, but find no rest. Yet you are holy, enthroned on the praises of Israel. In you our ancestors trusted; they trusted and you delivered them. To you they cried, and were saved; in you they trusted, and were not put to shame.

These are difficult times. In just the past month, it feels like the world has shifted and changed so much. People dying of an unknown disease. Businesses are shutting down and people are told to stay at home, isolated from their loved ones. People are being laid off and forced into unemployment. New protocols are being invited every day in the healthcare field to protect our patients and staff. There seems to be so much uncertainty and fear in the air and the one question that I keep wondering is…when will all this be over? And to disappointment, all the experts and leaders do not know when these trials will conclude.

It’s terrifying being in difficult times and not sure when those difficulties will end. In many ways, this is how Jesus’ disciples and family felt as they watched their teacher and savior, hung up on the Cross to die. We now are blessed to know that Jesus would be victorious over death but let’s imagine how those disciples must have felt, sitting either at the foot of the Cross or across the field, seeing the person they love and cherish die. All their hard work they done, all the amazing acts of ministry they did across the country, was about to be over. And imagine how you might feel, hearing your teacher, the person you love dearly, utter the words, “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?”

If I heard my savior say those words, I too would wonder, “Are we forsaken? Has God forsaken us?”

During times of stress, grief, anxiety, and fear can make a person wonder if they feel forsaken by those they love. Be it from God or from their human loved ones. I know in my past, I have felt that forsaken feeling of isolation. And it’s even easy to feel forsaken when we are called to “self-isolate” from others. Being physically separated from our physical communities.

There is no shame in uttering the words, “why have you forsaken me?” For we see Jesus himself say those very words before he drew his last breath.

However, it is important to know that Jesus was not just sharing his own grief and pain upon the Cross. He was also trusting in God’s presence during his torment.

Jesus as a devout Jewish man who studied all the psalms like all the other Jewish children of his time. As such, he would be very familiar with the 22^nd Psalm, in which the Psalmist laments her torment and feelings of being forsaken. The psalmist shares all her grief and pains that she has endured, much like Jesus is doing on the Cross. But then the Psalmist starts to make a shift in her lament. She then states God will deliver her and is with her.

Despite all the Psalmist has been through, the Psalmist is going to be okay because God is with her. God is with us. Jesus, as he is dying on the Cross, is saying the exact same thing. 

God is with us in these times of uncertainty. 

God is with us in these moments of anxiety, fear, and unbearable stress.

God is with us always. And through God's presence, we will be restored.

So as we contemplate Jesus' last moments on the Cross, may we remember that Jesus as he spoke the 22nd psalm was lamenting his pain yet also trusting in God's presence to restore him in the days ahead. 

May we hold on to hope that God's presence will never forsake us and through God, we will be restored in the days ahead.

Blessings be upon you all. 

Why I Celebrate Ash Wednesday

Today, Christians everywhere were once again receiving the mark of the cross on their forehead, a sign that they were born from the dust and to dust they one day will return. While originally a Catholic ritual that marked the beginning of the Lent season till Good Friday and Easter, many Protestant denominations have adopted and adapted Ash Wednesday as well.

I too received my ashes and offered the mark of the cross for the hospital staff today. One person, not completely aware of what Ash Wednesday is, asked me personally, "Why do you celebrate Ash Wednesday?"

As with any great and deep question, I took a moment to ponder what was asked of me and I now share that same question for you (if you celebrate Ash Wednesday of course).

Why do you celebrate Ash Wednesday? Why do you offer your forehead to be marked with ash in the sign of the cross? 

I feel often times that holiday celebrations, be it religious or institutional holidays, involve or include some sort of gift or reward. Even today, a staff member asked me, "What do I get out of this?"when I offered her ashes.

For Christmas, we give and receive gifts from family and friends. For Easter, we remember God's Son victory over death while also eating Easter egg candy and chocolates.

But today, the gift that is given is a symbol, covered in ash and placed on our forehead. A symbol of God's closeness even when we, humanity, are far away. Ash Wednesday and the season of Lent reminds us that we are not perfect and make mistakes, but we are still loved and can always grow. This holiday reminds us that we are not alone on our spiritual lives, but God is wanting to take a closer walk with us, if we invite God in.

This is why I celebrate Ash Wednesday. Because I am not perfect. I make mistakes. And I often try to do things without God. Yes, even Ministers do God's work while sometimes forgetting to bring God with us! So I need this reminder in my life. I need the Cross on my forehead to remember that I live with the Spirit of God, not just from the Spirit of God.

The mark upon my forehead is not just a convenient spot either. The forehead is the place in our bodies that we store all our thoughts and insights. However, our thoughts can often go all over the place and without focus, can wander into the wilderness. By placing the ashes on our foreheads, we are centering our wandering thoughts to remember that God is still here with us. God is journeying with us and we are not alone.

This is why I celebrate Ash Wednesday and will continue to celebrate it for the rest of my life.

So as we continue to celebrate Ash Wednesday and begin this season of Lent together, may you remember that God lives within you, as close as your very breath. May you invite the Divine of your understanding into your spiritual journey, knowing you don't have to be perfect in order for God to be with you. Just loved for who you are, a beautiful and fearfully made child of God.

May you each be blessed today and the days to come.

Blessed be.

Exit and Enter- Decade Review

It's almost here! A new decade in the world and in our lives is almost upon us!

I'm sure the majority of us have a mixed bag of emotions that we are carrying in both our hands tonight. Ten years is a long time and maybe the previous decade has not been very kind. Or perhaps it's been nothing but blessings! Or maybe it's a mixture of both. I know mine has been a filled with wonderful, terrible, fantastic, awful, joyous, tiresome, sacred, mundane, and everything in between.

As I looked back upon my last ten years, it's almost overwhelming just how much has happened in my life.

[If you are already know my story, you can skip the next two paragraphs]
The decade began while I was a senior in high school: attending my home church in Wake Forest, North Carolina- being a roadee for my friend's band- going to Camp Caroline and Christmount for the first time- being a youth leader in RCYW- being more aware to my call to ministry- and eventually graduating high school.
The decade started off on a great start, but it didn't last long, for not too long after that, I went through a maelstrom of changes in my life (adulthood will do that to a person) and lost my mother, my main guide and supporter in life. Looking back, it's hard to imagine how I not only recovered from my loss, but grew, for I then started attending Barton College- getting involved in various organizations on campus- met and made life long friends including but not limited to Mary, Leighanne, Cristian, and Aaron. I even got to do my first international trip to Haiti, and travel to New York, Washington, DC, Nashville, Lexington, and Indianapolis. I stepped closer to my ministerial calling by working on the campus religious life office, FCC Wilson and St. Paul's Christian Church, RCYW adult team, and Christmount and Camp Caroline summer staffs. I even had the courage to come out of the closet as a gay man. Those college years were hard and tough, but they were some of the best years I spent and in the end, it all paid off with a Bachelors in Religious Studies and History.
And then the middle of the decade would be a huge shift in my life. Accepting my ministerial calling, I had the courage to move to Texas all alone, pursing my Masters at Brite Divinity School. I am thankful that now I can say I am not alone and have made such close friends including, but not limited to Charlie, Logan, Joey, Matthew, Nick, Tyler, Stephen, Keith, and Nathan. I even expanded my ministry experience by being the camp staff director at Christmount, ministry intern at Ridglea Christian Church, and CPE chaplain intern at UNC Rex. The three years were tough, mentally, emotionally, and even physically, but in the end, they too allowed me to achieve my masters and ordination in the Disciples of Christ.

And finally this final year in the decade, I realized that there is still a lot of growing to do. I spent the entirety of this year serving as a Chaplain Resident at Methodist Mansfield Medical Center, providing spiritual care and support to those sick, suffering, dying, and grieving. I supported my dear friends Leighanne, Matthew, Logan, and Joey as they celebrated their many achievements in their own lives, Directed CYF Conference at Christmount, and recently began my training as a Reiki Practitioner.

It's been a long decade, with ups and downs and everything in between. Yet the one question that keeps popping into my head today  is, "What am I leaving behind and what am I taking with me?"

I think it's an important question, not just for me but for many of us. What are we leaving behind? And What are we taking with us?

I think its easy to say that we will be leaving behind all the negative things and taking with us only the positives. However, as for myself, I don't think that is something I am going to do. For there are many things that are negative in my life that I must take with me if I am going to grow from them. And there are some positive memories that I know I must leave behind, or thus I risk only looking at all those things I admire in the past and loose hope for anymore good for the future.

So this is my answer as to what I'm leaving behind in the 2010s and what I'm taking with me in the 2020s.

I am leaving behind my fears of failure and rejection- for those no do not serve me well. This past decade has taught me that I am no failure and being myself will not lead to people rejecting my presence. And I leave behind guilt and shame for the past mistakes I have made; along with my accomplishments that I've made thus far, for the life journey is not at it's end, but only beginning.

What I am taking with me is my grieves, for they are a part of my life story and help me to serve those who are grieving now. I also am taking the love and relationships that I have made thus far and also my hope for a brighter future for all people.

So, my friends, before the new decade begins, how will you exit the past ten years and how will you enter the next ten years to come?

May your answers bring you life, love, and much peace!

Ordination Anniversary: Affirmations

It seems almost unreal that a year ago today, I was ordained into Christian ministry at St. Paul’s Christian church through my sponsoring home church, Wake Forest Christian Church. There are so many to thank for their support, prayers, guidance, and care that helped me to reach ordination:

My Family

Wake Forest Christian Church

RCYW: Mentors and Peers

First Christian Church of Wilson

St. Paul’s Christian Church

Ridglea Christian Church

Camp Caroline

Christmount Assembly

Ridglea Christian Church

UNC Rex Healthcare

Barton College teachers, peers, and close friends

Brite Divinity School teachers, peers, and close friends

Regions of North Carolina and Southwest

All the ministers and lay persons who participated and came to my ordination service

And of course, my Mother’s Spirit

I reflected during my ordination that the calling I received from God is a scary one. And I still affirm this statement. To do God’s work: to love, to care, to support, and advocate for those suffering and marginalized around us is not easy work, especially in a world that does not make it any easier. The fear that I expressed a year ago is still with me. Yet despite this fear, I still am walking the road set before me by God’s eternal Spirit. I will walk with my fears and trust in the Divine of my understanding that no matter what paths I am being called to walk, I will not be alone and my Ruah will give me the strength to do what God has called me to do on this earth.

This ordained year, I served primarily as a Chaplain Resident at Methodist Mansfield Medical Center. The experiences I gained through this ministry will benefit me for a lifetime and I will cherish the connections I made thus far. In addition to my work at the hospital, I also had the opportunity to preach at several churches both in North Carolina and Southwest Region, as well as serve as the CYF Conference director at Christmount.

From this past ordained year, I’d like to thank the following persons for allowing me to be a part of their ministries and for offering me support on my journey thus far.

Methodist Health System: Pastoral Care Department

First Christian Church, Fayetteville NC

First Christian Church, Black Mountain NC

Wake Forest Christian Church

First Christian Church, Woodson TX

First Christian Church, Cleburne TX

Richland Springs Christian Church

Ridglea Christian Church

Christmount Assembly

CYF Campers, Counselors, and Camp Staff, (Christmount 2018)

North Carolina and Southwest Regions

My Transitions in Ministry group

Disciples Chaplain Association

Close Friends and Ministry Colleagues

And in memory of Rev. Don Wirsdrofer.

May this coming year bring forth many more blessings and opportunities to share the love of God with other people and experience the grace and presence of the Spirit in all of the Spirits many beautiful forms and ways.

Peace,

Easter Reflection

Happy Easter Everyone. Once again, Christians around the world celebrate the return of Christ from the grave and how death could not be beaten by God’s Son.

However, I feel I must ask: Is it really death that Christ beat three days after being nailed to the cross?

I feel death unfairly gets demonized in Christianity. As if it is our real enemy in life. And that when Christ came to our world, he came to defeat death. I do not believe this is the reason Christ came to our world and I certainly do not believe death is our enemy.

Death is a part of life. An unfortunate part of life. But one that is a part of our creations. We Christians remember that fact every year on Ash Wednesday, to remember that we come from the dust and to dust, we shall return. We are fragile, finite beings, continuously changing and growing till we take our last breathes.

I understand though, why many fear death and why many view death as the enemy. I see it every week at the hospital. I’m called to every death that occurs, to see the family grieving their loss and beginning the next steps of understanding how the relationship has changed with the person in the hospital bed. The pain we feel from losing someone we love dear is unbearable.

We all know that our lives will eventually end. But death is not our enemy.

The real enemy, the one I believe Jesus really defeated on the cross…was injustice and unbearable suffering.

We must remember the reason why Jesus was killed on the cross in the first place. His death was plotted out and because of that, Jesus death can be classified as a murder. Jesus had not committed any crimes nor had he caused another person harm. He showed compassion, care, wisdom, and love to those he met in his ministry. Jesus was a good man. And yet he was killed, at the age of 33, simply because he spoke out against the injustices that were occurring in his communities.

It was injustice that killed Jesus. It was suffering that ended Jesus life. In the end, it was death that at last granted Jesus peace from the pain that he had to endure those final moments.

But as we know, Jesus does return. Three days after his murder, he returns to his disciples and shows the world that he is indeed the victor. But not the victor of death. He was the victor of injustice.

The lesson I choose to take away from Easter, the lesson that we receive from Christ’s resurrection, is that injustice does not have the final say. Discrimination does not have the final say. Unbearable suffering does not have the final say.

And for that, I do celebrate this day.

But let us be mindful in how we celebrate this victory. Because even though Jesus’ death was not in vain, how many others do we know who face injustice in our communities, in our societies?

Where else is the image of Christ, hanging on the cross, being the victim of injustice located before us?

We are all made in the image of God and if indeed Christ is God’s son, then we can assume that we are made in Christ’s image; which means…there are those in our world suffering from their own crosses, unfairly treated and being harmed simply for who they are.

And we do not need to look far to find these crosses:

How about the families on the Mexican border, being separated from each other because they are seeking a better life?

How about in Louisiana, where three African American churches were burned?

How about for our LGBTQ neighbors who constantly face discrimination and constant abuse from the federal and local governments all the time?

How about those who face homelessness and are unable to receive any support from the more economically secure?

We are more aware of the crosses that people suffer upon every day than we realize. And while we are reminded, through Jesus, that injustice and suffering does not have the final say, the choice is up to all of us in how we are going to make sure injustice does not have the final say.

Jesus didn’t just come back to give the world hope that our suffering would not be our end. He came to the disciples, to pass on all that he taught, all his lessons for hope, peace, and love so that all those who follow Christ may continue to fight the true enemy that haunts our lives.

We are all very comfortable only celebrating Easter with egg hunts, worshiping at church, and family gatherings. But let us not end the celebrations on Easter. In fact, let the celebrations continue in the days ahead. However, let us also transform our celebrations by inviting change into our communities. By standing up and with those who live on the margins. By letting those who have been silenced speak their voice. By inviting the ones in pain into our church doors and walk out with them to see the different faces of God we sometimes miss.

Jesus took down one cross and has now empowered us to take down the crosses in our lives today.

I offer this Easter reflection to you. And hope God speaks to you through the words I have written.

May God’s Ruah and Peace Always be with You.